𝓞𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓨𝓸𝓾

The Past Does Not Pass

May 22

(Ellen's pov)

I put mascara on my eyelashes but to no avail. Tears fell from my face. I sighed and closed my eyes for a while. I opened my eyes again and looked in the mirror. My broken face, like every day, did not change. I looked to my right and saw old razors, they were even starting to rust, and the scars on my legs and arms had healed a bit. Something told me to take the razor, but I refused. I have to go to work.I looked back in the mirror and sighed. I wiped off the mascara and put it on again.

I combed my long black hair as I looked in the mirror. I have to leave it in the past. I know. It's hard to get over watching your own father kill your mother and sister, but I have to manage.

For as long as I can remember, my parents were in a terrible relationship, but they were only married because of me and my younger sister Alice. I always had a bad relationship.My father always had to ruin everything. I also lost friends because of his behavior. When I was about 12 or 13 years old, only then did I realize what a mess I was living in. I was worried about Alice, she was very young, she was only 7 years old.We lived in misery in a small house, but my mother always tried to help me and Alice, but I know she was very sad. She was very depressed, but I was too young to help her. I remember, I started smoking very young. When I was 16, I started smoking weed, and a little bit of drugs.I started cutting my veins and thighs. It was my mother who tried to get me out of that black world of drugs. I would often fight with my father and argue with him. I always defended my mother and Alice.I had a small circle of friends and with them I only forgot what was happening at home. My then and now best friend Kate was the only one who knew what was happening at home. Because of my father, men disgusted me and I did not fall in love easily.When I turned 18, my father threw me out of the house, my mother begged him to leave me at home, but as much as I loved my mother and Alice, I wanted to leave that hell, but maybe I shouldn't have. I lived with Kate for a few days, but Later, my mother found me an apartment with one of her cousins. Her cousin reduced my membership fee and I started working in a cafe and I have been working there for 6 months. But 4 months ago, a major tragedy happened.

I was watching something on my laptop and drinking hot coffee, but my phone rang. I looked and it was my mother calling. I answered. "Darling, can you come home, your father has gone crazy," she sobbed on the phone. "Mother, what happened?" I asked, getting up from the couch in fear. "He wants to kill us." she stammered as her broken voice broke my heart. "I'm coming and calling the police." I said quickly.I quickly left the apartment and got into my car. I rushed through the streets to our small house. Tears were running down my face at the same speed. Cars were playing around me, but I didn't pay attention to it. I tried to wipe away the tears, and prayed to God that he didn't hurt them. I drove as fast as I could while I was thinking what could have happened to them so far. What if I'm late? I finally reached our house and rushed out of the car. It was late at night. I quickly entered the house and shouted "Mom "Alice, I'm here."

As I was going upstairs to the top floor I heard Alice calling "Sis please." but soon after and his voice saying "It is finished." like a voice from hell.

I came to the bedroom. My mother was lying on the floor half dead. She had bruises all over her body and open wounds. Alice was sitting right next to her, holding her left broken arm with her right hand. Her elbow was broken, she could barely hold on. She also had wounds all over her body. The color of my life disappeared after seeing this scene. My 13-year-old sister with a completely messed up arm and my mother half dead.I swallowed the dumplings, my knees cracked and my whole world collapsed when I saw what that monster did."Sis, sis." Alice was trembling and she couldn't see in one eye because she had a big bruise. My mother looked at me with a broken look. I didn't have time to react or say anything, my father entered the room with a gun and Alice screamed.

I jumped on him "Monster". I screamed at the top of my lungs as I was on top of him and he dropped the gun. Tears have blurred my vision, but I'm still fighting it. At one point he knocked me off him and took a gun and then pointed it at me "Did I raise you to treat me like that". he yelled at me."You didn't even raise me." I exclaimed. "Look what you did to them." I shouted until the waves of tears disappeared.The pain in my head blinded me a little and I tried to get up from the floor, but my father shouted "Now you will see what I will do to them." I looked up, while I tried to stand up and stop him from what he was trying to do. "Bitch, raise your head," he said to his mother as he approached her. he took out one bullet from the gun frame and put the frame back in the gun, and he was holding that bullet in his hand. He approached his mother, who was half dead and couldn't move. "Daniel, what are you doing!?" I shouted at my father. He turned to me and gave me a devilish smile. "What I have to do." He took the bullet and put it in his mother's mouth. "Swallow it bitch." 

"Leave her alone!" shouted Alice, and I watched this scene with my eyes wide open. I heard my heart beating and it was as if I couldn't do anything. My legs were cut off, I didn't feel in my body, as if I could barely see what was happening but I couldn't do anything.He started stuffing his hands in her mouth and pushing that bullet deep into her throat. I shouted at him while trying to stop, but the blow to the head made me sleepy and blinded. "Okay, then we'll do it this way." said Daniel. He moved away from his mother, who was barely breathing the bullet that was strangling her. He took a gun and shot her in the poor face. Alice's voice woke me up a little and she screamed. "Mom!" she screamed with her eyes closed, and I wanted to understand if this was reality.

"Don't touch Alice!" that's the only thing I could say now that my mother is dead. He approached my sister and kicked her in the face first. She fell to the floor and shouted "Sis, save me." that voice haunts me even now. Her little melodious voice full of pain and suffering. I loved her more than anything in the world. Now that my mother is gone, I only wanted Alice by my side. I slowly rose to my feet. Daniel started shooting her small body, and I screamed. "NO!" I shouted louder.He stopped shooting her, but she was still alive, I could see she was still breathing. He turned to me and shot me twice in the stomach. I fell back on the floor. I looked back at Alice and Daniel. He stepped over her small body and pointed the gun at her head." Don't do that daddy, please." she said softly and pleadingly. I tried to say something, I want him to kill me but not her. But I didn't succeed and he shot her in the head, and then he shot himself in the mouth. My vision blurred and I was unconscious.

I spent the next month and a half in the hospital, and then I returned home. That's where Kate helped me recover. A psychotherapist visits me often and I have pills that I take regularly. But the pain never goes away. Everyone tells me that time passes and so does the pain, but the more time passes, the more it hurts. I miss my mom's hugs more and more and hearing Alice's melodious voice sing to me. I never found out why he hurt them. Why didn't that monster harm himself, and I wouldn't blame him, but why those two innocent souls.Sometimes I think why he didn't shoot me in the head, why he didn't kill me, because I would like to be dead. To be together with my sister and mother.

Today is my first working day after all that tragedy. I'm still working in the same cafe. I have to come back to reality and continue living.