Tonight was supposed to be a great night. Brad and I's third year anniversary. It was gonna be perfect. But perfect was far from what it was.
It was now close to 2 a.m. And I'm waiting on our apartment couch, bloodshot eyes from crying, waiting on Brad to show up. The house smelling like lavender and jasmine from the candles being blown out, they had been burning since 8p.m.... The time Brad promised me he'd be home from the studio. The table was still set with the fine china I rarely get out and cold pasta and soggy salad stay abandoned in the middle of it. I sigh and look at the text I had received from him at 8:04,: Hey babe... They are keeping me here until I finish these tracks... I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you I promise! I love you!!:
It seemed to always be the same excuse. It never used to be this way. But sometimes I come to wonder what were we thinking. Two naive teenagers desperate to move in together and be a couple.Thinking everything would be perfect, but then I remember how much I love him, and how much my life has changed for the better. I'm interrupted from my thoughts as I hear the lock turning. I quickly wipe my eyes and stare at the door as it slowly starts to turn open. Brad appears seconds behind it and is shocked to see me still awake.
"Hey... What are you doing awake, it's late..?" He asks shutting the door behind him and setting down his keys and phone on the countertop.
I scoff "I'm aware how late it is!! I'm up because I'm waiting on my boyfriend to get home because last I heard from him was 8 pm and it's now 2 in the morning! And you promised me dinner and a movie and you didn't show up... Once again!" I croak!
He squints his eyes at me "have you been crying." He asks
I roll my eyes "of course I've been crying!! We are falling apart and you know it!! Your never here anymore Brad."
He walks closer "Sydney. Your overreacting! I just had to record some stuff for the album! All the guys were there too!" He says calmly.
I step back. "No Brad, I'm not. It's not just tonight it's all the time. Do you not get it.? I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, but your never here!! It's hard to keep this alive when your never here?" I ask tears
Forming again.
He looks like he's starting to get mad.
"You knew it would be hard! You knew this would get in the way, but it didn't stop you so don't try and blame it on me."
I step towards him and put a finger on his chest "Dont put words into my mouth! And yeah it's not easy but the other guys seem to find time for their girlfriends ..." I say tears falling.
"Well I'm sorry I'm not the others guys."
He says putting his hands up in defense.
"Yeah so am I!!" I scoff and walk to the bedroom leaving him alone.
I just need time to cool off. I really wish he could just be here more often and actually act interested into our relationship. I go into the bathroom and started to get ready for bed. I put my hair up in a bun and slip into some comfortable clothes and walk back into my room and climb in bed. Fifteen minutes slowly go by and I can't fall asleep. I don't know if it's because I'm so upset or because Brad and I always promised each other we could never go to bed angry at each other. I hear footsteps slowly inching towards our room and they walk in slowly. My backs facing him but I can tell exactly what he's doing. I hear him shuffling through drawers.
I stay with my backed turned and I hear Brad speak up.
"Should I sleep on the couch or....." He trails off.
I sigh and turn around. "I really don't care.. I mean I don't like not sleeping in the same bed as you but it's whatever.." I say and then back facing the other way.
I feel the bed sink beside me and can tell he's facing the opposite way of me. It was a weird feeling, like we were so close yet so distant. I was so mad at him but at the same time I just wanted to be in his arms and tell him how much I loved him. It was a painful silence. I really wanted to break it and say something but the words just physically wouldn't come out. I started drowsing off and my eyes began to flutter shut. I didn't know what was gonna happen to us.. But all I knew was I needed rest from all this fighting.
I opened my eyes quickly as I heard a roar of
Thunder outside. I sighed and looked over at my nightstand and saw it was only 4a.m. I've only slept 2 hours. Awesome. I quietly got out of bed and walked towards the door passing Brad in bed. He looked gorgeous. I mean he always has, but just the innocent look on his face. I miss seeing it more. I quietly walked out the room and made my way to the kitchen to make myself a glass of water.
I walked around the dark house and made my way into the huge living room. Looking at All the pictures on the wall. All of them of Brad and I through out the years, with friends, family and just us. It's crazy to look at those pictures and see how insuperable we were at the time, and now it's like we are strangers. I pick up one of the photos on the fire mantle. It's a picture of Brad and I the summer we graduated high school, 2 years ago. The band wasn't very popular yet so he rarely was gone. We had spent the entire summer having spontaneous weekend trips just driving to wherever we wanted. The photo was taken by one of the guys in the backseat, it was Brad and I kissing in the front seat. We were literally in the middle of nowhere and there was a cow crossing, so we just stopped the car and laughed. And unexpectedly Brad just grabbed my face and kissed me, you could even see in the picture I was smiling and laughing so hard through it. It made me smile, but the smile quickly faded and turned into a frown. We weren't the same people anymore. I threw the picture down at the floor and glass shattered everywhere. I sob quietly and sink to the ground sitting in the middle of the mess. I hear thumping coming down the stairs but I
Ignore it and stay crying on the floor.
"Syd, what the hell happened.?" He yells worriedly and runs into the living room staring at the ground covered in glass.
I laugh with no humor "it shattered... Just like our relationship!" I say Bluntly. I try and keep it cool but I end up loosing it even more.
"What are you talking about? We are fine Sydney and you know it.." He says walking closer to me.
I put my hand up at him telling him to stay back "no you know what I don't know, because we clearly aren't Brad... Just look at us. What happened....? I honestly don't know..." I say standing up crossing my arms.
"Nothing's happened. I've just been really busy that's all babe..." He says with sincere eyes. It makes me just want to run over to him and let him hold me but I can't just let this go.
"I miss you! I don't think you understand how much I miss you and miss us! Your never here! Hours gone turned into days then into weeks, into months... What's next a year without you? I can't do that Brad. I need you. It's hard.. It's really hard!" I say spilling with emotion.
He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair and looks at me, I feel so brittle and broken. He walks over to me and slowly wraps his arms around me. It takes me by surprise but I don't resist. I hug back and start to sob even worse into his chest. He rubs my back and tries to calm me down.
"Syd, please listen to me. I know this is all my fault.. It's killing me seeing you like this.. I promise I'm gonna fix this... Your not gonna have to be alone anymore okay? I'll make sure of it. I'm not giving up on you this easy okay.... I love you so much... Your worth more than anything money or success could get me.." He says quietly to me. My breathing had slowed down to a normal pace and now I was just holding onto him listening to him talk to me. Everything he was saying was everything I wanted to hear. He spoke again "and not for one second do I want you to think I didn't miss you at all. Because you were all I thought about when I wasn't here. I wanted to be with you. I will always wanna be with you..." I look up at him
"Do you really mean that?" I ask quietly.
He nods "with everything I have yes..."
I nod and hug him tighter "I can't loose you... I love you..." I say into his shoulder
"You won't loose me.... I love you too... Which is why I have to ask you something?" He says. I back away from him and look at him confused. "What..?"
He sighs and smiles lightly. "Look these past three years have been the best of my life. You've shown me a light I've never been able to see before apart from when I met you. You've changed me for the better and make me feel loved. I want nothing more than to treat you the best you deserve for the rest of your life and make sure your always safe with me. I know it's gonna be hard but it's gonna be worth it... Your worth it..." With that said he got on one knee and my insides started freaking out. "Sydney I love you... Will you marry me...?" He asks nervously pulling out a box from his pajama pants.. I am lost for words but nod slowly and smile as he puts the ring on my finger. I smile and look up at him. "I love you" we say at the same time, causing us both to laugh. He looks so happy. I look the same... It's just like those two teenagers in that photo.... Happy and in love. They got lost for a while, but soon enough made their way back to each other. It was worth it, it's always gonna be worth it. We are worth it.
