$uicideBoy$ Oneshots/Imagines

Healing (Ruby)

TW: a bit of DV not physical, mostly psychological.

"Ruby? I'm back!" You call out as you close the front door. Placing down your keys on the side table that was cluttered with a whole bunch of paperwork and other useless things.

You had gone out to pick up Ruby's medication that was prescribed to him to keep him on track. You picked up some more things along the way, like his favorite snacks and some pastries that you'd both enjoy. Trying to get him to come along with you as you didn't quite yet trust him alone, he refused every time. With the constant bickering back and forth for days on end, he was running low on meds so you had no other choice. Scrim was dealing with his own problems and was hardly even there mentally as he's still coming down from all the highs and is facing the consequences of the lows.

"Ruby?"

Rushing your way up the stairs, you enter in to your shared bedroom where you see him still asleep or to what you can make out as him still sleeping. He was facing the opposite way of the door with the heavy comforter covering his body. You make your way over to his side of the bed to see that he's awake.

"Hey.. I'm back. You wanna—"

"I don't want anything."

His cold demeanor was a bit stand off-ish at times but it was nothing you couldn't handle. He's been this way many times.

"I was just going to say we can watch a movie or maybe eat something. I bought you some snacks!" You say a bit cheerful in hopes to change his mood. You hold up the bag and smile. "I also got some sweet bread. I know you like it with your coffee—"

"Leave me the fuck alone, dude. You're getting on my nerves."

"Oh.. alright. Well, I'll be—"

"I don't give a shit where you are or going just get the fuck away from me!"

"Why are you being so mean? I'm only trying to help you."

"I never asked for your help. You just took it upon yourself to waste space and assume I needed you. You're just a warm mouth to me, I don't need shit from you."

Feeling that stinging sensation as his words struck that cord on your heart that cuts deep, you turn around and head back downstairs, closing the door behind you as you leave the cold room.

You knew taking on the responsibility of caring for him after he got help would be hell to pay. The way he went from someone so caring, talkative, a bit egotistical but it suited him, to this cold shell of a person. It's difficult letting go of a life that brought you happiness and "love". Chasing after something gave him something to hope for, the chase for a new type of high or how many women he could sleep with to take away that gut wrenching feeling of never amounting to anything. Filling that hole in his chest with drugs and whatever showed him an ounce of the thing he craved most.

Wiping away the tears, you put away the stuff you had boughten and got some cleaning done. As time passed by you couldn't help but to replay those words in your head. Resting your head on your arms as the tears soaked your sweatshirts sleeves, you cry silently to yourself. It fucking hurts when you put your time and patience in to someone and they turn around like it meant shit to them. From being there when he'd be throwing up his guts from overloading his system to now where he's suffering and aching for a high that he can no longer reach. Not knowing how else to help him, you thought of giving up. But you didn't have it in you to leave him suffering. At least if you did he wouldn't have to worry about you pestering him about having taking his meds, to shower, getting him out of bed so he didn't get blood clots due to medication, oh and of course the worst one of them all. Forcing him to eat. If it were up to him, he'd rather starve. Struggling with body dysmorphia yourself, you always tried to pull through to be there for the both of you. As much as he may not see himself as worth anything, he held something that no one else you knew, had. What? Who fucking knows. It's just a feeling. Maybe it's love, maybe it's not.

Nearly jumping out of your skin when you feel his arms wrap around you, you scream out. Not being able to control yourself from letting everything out, you try your hardest to push his hold off of you. Using your strength that's no match against his. How the fuck does someone who hardly eats anymore have so much strength? You scream out again but this time in frustration.

"What the fuck do you want from me?! I don't know how else to help you if you don't fucking allow me to!"

Not answering back, he holds you closer. You cry out as all of your emotions come over you.

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

"I just want you to be okay. But I can't even do anything without getting scared that you're going to flip out on me." Now crying against him, you feel his soft curls dangle over you.

The same curls you loved to braid while he worked late at night. Sitting behind him, massaging his shoulders and braiding his beautiful locks.

"I'm so sorry. I don't feel like myself and it's scaring the fuck out of me. I wake up confused an I get so fucking angry for no fault of your own. I just can't control this shit right now. I feel trapped." Getting choked up over his own words, you place your hand on his arm that held you close to his body.

"It's scaring me too but we have to get through this, Aristos."

"Please don't leave me.."

Repeating chaos but maybe this time it'll be the last time. It has to be.

"I'm here."

For now.