falling for 13 || Johnny Kavanagh

Don't Apologise

J O H N N Y

After leaving Cian bloody and broken on the ground, the rage that had consumed me began to slowly go away, leaving behind something colder, sharper—a deep ache that settled in my chest as I turned back towards the alley. I wiped the blood from my knuckles on my jeans, the raw sting in my fists grounding me as I tried to calm down. But my mind kept flashing back to Grace. Her face. The way she looked so... gone.

I had to get back to her.

The crowd around me parted as I walked back, some of the lads staring wide-eyed, whispering to each other about what had just gone down. I didn't care. I didn't even hear them properly. It was like everything else faded into the background, and the only thing that mattered was Grace. I reached the alley again, and there she was. Sitting exactly where I'd left her, curled up against the wall, with Orlaith, Aoibh, and Clara still hovering close by. They looked at me with worried eyes, but I didn't stop to explain anything. My focus was entirely on Grace.

She didn't move when I crouched down in front of her again. Her eyes were still distant, unfocused, like she wasn't really here with us. I'd seen Grace mad before, even hurt, but never like this. This wasn't the girl I knew—the girl who was always quick with a sarcastic comment, always strong, even when she was pissed off at me. This was someone... broken.

I hated him for that. Hated him for doing this to her.

"Gracie," I said softly, reaching out to touch her hand. Her fingers were ice cold, trembling slightly. I could feel my throat tighten, but I pushed it down, forcing myself to stay calm. She didn't need me to lose it again.

At the sound of my voice, her eyes flickered just slightly. She looked up, meeting my gaze for the briefest moment before she quickly looked away. Her lips trembled, and she drew in a shaky breath like she was trying to hold herself together, but failing.

"It's okay," I murmured, though I knew it wasn't. I didn't know how to fix this. All I could do was be there for her, and it felt like nothing. It felt so goddamn helpless, seeing her like this and knowing I couldn't change what happened.

"I..." she started, her voice so quiet I barely heard it. She looked at me again, her eyes filling with fresh tears. "I... I couldn't stop him."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. My jaw clenched, my hands tightening into fists for a moment, but I forced myself to stay still. "Grace," I said, my voice low and as steady as I could make it. "This isn't your fault. You hear me? None of this is your fault."

She shook her head, her shoulders shaking as she started to cry again. "I... I tried... I—"

"Stop," I interrupted gently, leaning closer, desperate for her to understand. "You don't have to say anything, alright? You didn't do anything wrong."

Her tears came harder then, and she let out a sob that broke me inside. Without thinking, I moved closer, wrapping my arms around her as gently as I could. For a second, I thought she might push me away—after all, this was Grace we were talking about. She wasn't the type to let people see her vulnerable, especially not me, not after all the times we fought and pretended we didn't care.

But she didn't push me away. Instead, she crumpled into me, burying her face in my chest as she cried. Her whole body shook, and I tightened my hold, pulling her closer like I could somehow protect her now, even though I hadn't been able to before.

"I'm here," I whispered into her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

I held her like that for what felt like hours, feeling every shudder of her body, every sob that wracked through her. My heart ached with the weight of it all—what she'd been through, the pain she was carrying. I wished more than anything I could take it from her, bear it myself, but I couldn't.

Eventually, her sobs quieted, and her grip on me loosened slightly. She pulled back just enough to look up at me, her face tear-streaked and tired. "Johnny... I'm... I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"For... for everything," she whispered. "For pushing you away, for being such a bitch to you, for—"

"Grace, stop." I shook my head, cutting her off again. "You don't owe me an apology. Not for any of that."

She sniffed, wiping at her face with shaky hands, and I could see how hard she was trying to hold herself together again. "But I... I do. You were only trying to talk to me and I-"

"Don't apologise," I said again, my voice rough with emotion. "And I'm not going anywhere, Grace. I promise."

She nodded, and for the first time that night, she seemed to relax, just a little. She leaned her head against my chest again, her breathing evening out as she let herself rest against me.

I glanced at the girls, who were still standing nearby, their faces filled with worry. "We need to get her home," I said, looking at Orlaith.

Orlaith nodded. "We've got a taxi coming. We'll take her."

I wanted to go with them. I wanted to stay with Grace, make sure she was okay, but I knew the girls would take care of her. Right now, what mattered was getting her out of here, away from this place, away from everything that had happened tonight.

"I'll see you at school," I said, more to Grace than to anyone else. "Alright?"

She didn't say anything, just nodded again, her head still resting against my chest.

I helped her to her feet, and for a moment, she wobbled, still unsteady. I kept my arm around her waist, guiding her toward the taxi when it pulled up. I hated letting her go, hated the idea of her leaving my arms, but I knew she needed to be with her friends, in a place that felt safe, where there wasn't any gobshite teenage boys.

"Johnny?" she said softly as she turned to get in the car.

"Yeah?" I answered.

Her eyes met mine, and for the first time since all this had happened, there was a flicker of the old Grace. "Thank you."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel like I'd done enough. But I nodded, giving her a small, reassuring smile. "Anytime, Gracie. Anytime."

And as I watched her drive away, the weight of the night settled over me, and I realized just how much things between us had changed.