Charlie: What do we say, when we have the urge to throw ourselves off a building?
Angel dust: Yeet
Charlie: NO
Vaggie: oh my God
Cherri: I really like eminem
Pentious: I prefer skittles
Cherri: like the rapper
Pentious: WHY WOULD YOU EAT THE WRAPPER?!
Velvette[On phone with val]:And they were roommates
Alastor: Oh my God, they were roommates guys
Pentious: Snow got me feeling some type of way.
Cherri: That's hypothermia.
Pentious: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Christmas.
Alastor: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.
The Squad: Awwww-
Alastor: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."
The Squad: Oh.
Angel: I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.
Vaggie: Damn, the power went out.
Niffty: Don't worry, I got this.
Niffty: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*
Vaggie: What-?
Niffty: I swallowed a glow stick!
Vaggie, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-
Charlie: That's not funny.
Lucifer: I thought it was funny.
Charlie: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.
*Angel is speaking on the phone*
Angel: Yeah, I'm with Cherri.
Cherri: Im fucking dying-
Angel: Yep, they're okay.
Cherri: I have a knife in my chest!
Angel: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry.
Cherri: I'M BLEEDING OUT-
Vaggie: Where have you been all day?
Charlie: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
*Everyone is giving advice to Niffty*
Charlie: It's okay to ask for help.
Alastor: You're not a burden.
Cherri: Murder is okay.
Husk: Your feelings matter.
Vaggie: I'm really glad "fight me" has replaced "sue me" in the common vernacular because I don't have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.
Charlie: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Alastor: It's not water.
Charlie: Vodka! I like your sty-
Alastor: It's vinegar.
Charlie: ...What?
Alastor: It's vinegar, PUSSY.
Cherri: I'm gonna nickname my child "Lil Bitch".
Angel: I see you're passing on your name.
Angel: We both look very handsome tonight.
Husk: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Angel: I couldn't take that chance.
Vox: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
val: It's kind of complicated, but velvette-
Vox: Got it. Forget I asked.
Cherri: There's nothing to do....
Pentious: You can wash the dishes you promised to wash about a week ago.
Cherri: *pulls out their phone* Nevermind.
*val and Velvette are in Paris.*
val: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Velvette: But...
val: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Velvette: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
val: Yeah.
Velvette: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babes.
val: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Velvette: Okay, alright.
val: Relationships should be 50/50. Vox cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
Velvette and val: *speaking Spanish*
Velvette: I know, I know.
Vox: You speak Spanish?
Velvette: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language val speaks.
Charlie: Which movie are you and Angel going to see tonight?
Cherri: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Angel wants.
Charlie: Which one do they want to see?
Cherri: I haven't decided yet.
Adam: Hey, you wanna know a secret?
Lute: No.
Adam: Okay.
Lute:
Lute: Do you smell smoke?
Adam: The secret is that the house is on fire.
Emily, throwing a pokeball at Sera: Sera, I choose you!
Sera, not looking up from their book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.
Cherri: You're pathetic!
Angel: You're pathetic-er!
Lucifer: You're both losers.
Sera: Why are you late?
Adam: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.
Sera: Overslept?
Adam: Overslept.
Angel: Look at the buns on that guy!
Cherri: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Egg boi: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Angel: I'm not going back to jail!
Lute: What's your most controversial video game hot take?
Emily: The pursuit for photorealism in games is a fruitless endeavor that only results in bloated file sizes that take too much space.
Adam: Mario is a woman and just really butch.
Adam: You might not know this, Sera, but I am a flawed person.
Sera: I do know that.
Adam: Go fuck yourself.
Lute: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!
Adam: Do you want to know your gay name?
Lute: My... my gay name?
Adam: Yeah, it's your first name-
Lute: Haha. Very funny Adam-
Adam: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Lute: Oh- oh my god.
Sera: Can we talk about that mass email you sent?
Lute: Why? It was important.
Sera: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit".
Emily, shrugging: The people need to know.
Katie killjoy: Our relationship is strictly professional.
Tom Trench, sitting on Katie killjoy's lap: Absolutely. Only on business.
Pentious: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Pentious: Charlie is still mad about it, but me and Cherri were drunk and thought it was funny.
Angel: I love hearing Alastor shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.
Alastor, to Charlie: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me.
Charlie: What's your name cutie pie?~
Niffty: I don't know, I'm like 8 years old.
Vaggie: You fuckers don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Charlie: Spear.
Vaggie: BLOCKED.
Pentious: How do you sleep at night knowing people don't like you?
Alastor: With the fan on.
Alastor: "I miss you" is the nicest text you can receive.
Cherri: "I bought a monster truck."
Lucifer: You're both wrong, it's "I have too much money, you can have some."
Angel: "I got you pizza."
Charlie: Fools! I present to you this: "Pentious is driving to your house right now."
Cherri: "Pentious had too much money so they're driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that they got for you."
Alastor: "...Because they missed you."
Alastor: I haven't seen Cherri and Angel for fifteen minutes now.
*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Cherri and Angel running after it in a panic. Alastor doesn't look outside at all.*
Alastor: That probably means they're getting into trouble.
Lilith: Hey.
Lucifer: *pissed off* You... complete ...ASS, Lilith! You show up here after WEEKS, and you say "hey"?!
