Sunset

Last Week

Cheerful laughter and beaming smiles of a person with a sad ending are some of the things that struck my heart weakly. 

I saw my friend, my confidant in times of struggle. The only friend who listened and told me what was best for me, smiled once more at me with her eyes losing light.

"Lae" she struggles to sit up.

"You don't have to, just lie down... Chrys." A not-so-unique nickname I call her by her oddly long name, Chrysanthemum. 
Seriously, who names her child after a flower that's hard to call? She was laughed at a lot when we were in elementary and the kids were mean then. 

"You're finally here, I thought you were being a coward again." 

Ah, here she goes again, being blunt. 

I know I said she was cheerful, but this side of her is what only I know of. 

"I'm... you're right but who doesn't get scared? You meanie!" I tried to laugh it off.

She just smiled and laughed a sloppy laugh with me.

I then handed her a small box containing her favorite snack and drew a finger close to my lips.
"Don't tell anyone."

"Lae! as always, thank you!" her excited eyes lit up the dimming light in it. 

She's not allowed to eat these kinds of food but she's the happiest when she eats them. 

"You're really speeding up my death." She sniggered.

"Give me that."

"I'm kidding! I'm the one who made you buy it."

None of us really had the energy to blame each other. We just know it's inevitable.

After finishing her favorite snack in one bite she gulped it with slight difficulty and had me tuck the evidence away. 

Looking at her empty palm, Chrys fumbled her thumbs and stared with a sad smile.

I can see her remembering something. I'm not gonna guess that, she's someone you can't just read. She might be a positive person but there are times I can see cracks in her persona, maybe this is how we got closer. 

She's best at hiding what she truly feels.

"Have I ever been honest with you?" 

That startled me. We have been friends for almost 10 years now and I know when she would lie and when she would hide what she truly feels. 
"What do you mean?"

"Right... It's just, I've been realizing a lot of things in my life now. Maybe because I've been doing this for a long time I've stopped fighting it." Still in the same position, she muttered.
She then looked at me and said, "Thank you."

I'm confused. 

"Forgive me."

Why is she telling me this?

"I just want to tell you these, sincerely." She said, smiling again. "Thank you for being there for me and being patient when I could not tell you. I have been hiding this illness from you and others because I was afraid to look weak and helpless. I wanted others to perceive me as a happy person and strong."

She looks down at her hands again, "And I'm sorry, you had to know it this way."

Yes, I may have been her friend and was always close to her. I never knew anything about this. She appeared so healthy and full of life that I thought she would live long and then we'll go our separate ways. 
She never told me about her aspirations and dreams, she just liked living in the moment. I tried to get her to think about her future, not knowing that she had already given it up.

I stayed silent.

"Lae, after a week I'll be out of the hospital," she said with determination, "by then let's go to the beach, to our favorite spot and swim. You know how I love the sea."

She knows... I know... But maybe this was her honest feelings.

"Then..." my voice cracked. "I'll get things ready and pick you up." 
I smiled back at her, a tear fell. 

This week was her last.