heartstopper in the future

The talk

TW:Panic attack, SH, talking about ED, yelling,  a proper full on gay crisis.....

Lily POV: 

It's the day after dad caught me and Emily.

Me and Emily haven't talked about it, and now she has just left.  So I guess I should go talk to dad and papa, but I need to get ready first. 

I go the bathroom. I get in the shower. I love talking showers,  but today was different.  When I shower my thoughts usually turn off and the warm water makes me happy. Today when I got in the shower my mind was raising whit thoughts like; 

'Emily's lips are so soft!'

'Emily is beautiful!' 

'did dad storming in make Emily uncomfortable?' 

'why did I like kissing Emily?'

'Am I a lesbian?'

'Are Emily a lesbian?'

'Did I help Emily understand, or did I make her more clueless?'

'Did I ruin me and Emily's friendship?'

'Why am I thinking so much about this?'

'Is dad disguised with me kissing a girl?'

'Has he told papa?'

'I kinda hope he has!'

'I think I like girls?!'

'Wait, no I'm only 14 I can't know that,  I'm way to young!'

'My family is probably going to hate me!'

'It's probably just a phase!'

Once I stepped out of the shower I concluded in that I only liked kissing Emily because she used lip balm so her lips were soft, the boys I have kissed did not use lip balms so there lips were chapped! Yeah, that sounds right! 

I do my skincare, and my makeup. Then I get dressed. (A/N autocorrect changed 'dressed' to 'drunk' like 2 times 😭😭) I put on a pair of white jeans. Not skinny jeans but not flowing either, and whit holes on the knee. Pared whit a black thank top and a white button up, but I left I open.and some socks whit a funny quote on.

I went down to the kitchen,  I really don't feel like eating anything today, but dad and papa always say I need to. It's kinda unfair,  cus papa let dad skip breakfast sometimes. I was thinking maybe I could lie and just say I eat, but papa was in the kitchen. So I just made a piece of toast. 

"Hey Lily, you look beautiful today, any thing special happening?" Papa asks, at least he didn't bring up anything about Emily, maybe dad haven't told him?

"Thanks, but no nothing happening, just wanted to dress up a bit." I say back, and go grab my toast that just got done. 

"Want some butter?" Papa asks me,  opening the fridge. I really don't want butter,  it makes me feel sick right now. God, I don't even want breakfast! 

"No thank you" I simply say.

"Oh why, you always have lots of butter on" he say while closing the fridge.

"I don't know. The thought of it just makes me feel sick right now,  I guess?" I say, more as a question. I see dad frowning, I wonder why. It's not like it's a big deal? 

"Okay,  you want some fruit,  I was going to give some to your brother and Jack?" OH. MY. GOD. Can't he understand that I don't want food right now! 

"No, I don't want to eat anything right now,  you guys always force food on me!  I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING EAT!" I scream pushing my food away,  and run up to my room slamming my door shut.