Wish Upon A Sunset

More Than An Addiction

Emma

My mom was high.

Again.

I caught sight of her in the kitchen, tampering with the oven dials, as I turned the corner of the hallway. She opened the oven door and peeked inside, as she mumbled to herself about dinner taking too long.

I sighed to myself, as I stepped towards the oven to turn it off.

This was going to be a long night. I didn't know if I had the strength to do this. The day had already been very long, and my nerves were shot.

I had enjoyed my time earlier getting to know Logan, but that he and I were better off remaining strangers filled me with an overwhelming sadness.

I also had a tremendous revelation today and though it brought some peace of mind for all the shame and regret I had felt over the years, there was still a part of me that needed to wrap my head around the information I had read today. It turned out, even when you lived for years with abuse, there was still a part of you that either wouldn't or couldn't recognize the abuse for what it was. Admitting to myself that I had been abused was difficult, and ironically, it still made me feel just as ashamed as before my revelation. I needed time alone to work this out.

Because of this, my patience was wearing thin, and as I stood in the middle of my mom's kitchen, observing her attempt to burn the house down, I experienced a combination of relief and anger. Anger that she was high again, but relief that I had been here tonight.

The night had progressed exactly as I had thought it would.

Upon our arrival, Molly and I had been welcomed at the front door by not just my parents and my younger sister Michelle, but also by my Aunt Kristine, Molly's mom; An unplanned visit that had made me feel equal parts excitement and dread. I hadn't seen Aunt Kristine in close to ten years, and I had worried at first that she would exhibit the same sneering and derogatory remarks that seemed to follow me everywhere I went these days.

Despite my initial dismay, tears had streamed down my cheeks as I found myself surrounded by hugs. The palpable sense of relief had washed over me when Aunt Kristine pulled me close, assuring me of her love and how much she had missed me.

The only downside to the night was the fact that my mom had already been exhibiting signs of intoxication when we had first arrived that had gotten worse over dinner.

It was now after ten and my sister and father had already headed to bed. Aunt Kristine and Molly were conversing in the living room while I followed my mom around the house, trying to diffuse the situation as much as I could.

"Emma! I have to start dinner!" Her words slurred together as she watched me turn off the oven dial.

"Mom, it's ten o'clock at night. We already ate dinner," I said, but she had already moved on. Taking a pie from the fridge and a fork from a drawer, she dug in unapologetically.

Molly stepped into the room and stood next to me, watching my mom.

She had her dark brown hair pulled up in a bun, a hairstyle she had always sported when we were kids. The memory of us riding our bikes together and swimming in my pool every summer flashed through my mind. She was more than just a best friend and cousin. She had been like a sister to Michelle and me, and like a daughter to my parents.

"Where's your mom?" I asked her.

Molly shrugged. "She needed to make a quick run to the store. She'll be right back."

I nodded and watched as my mom's eyes drooped, the forkful of pastry dipping on its way to her mouth. Molly and I shared a glance, and I whispered to her, "She'll pass out soon."