Until I Found You | Jihan

chapter two

tw ; mentions of eating disorder. 

Tear-filled eyes pressed against a suffocating pillow. 

His ribcage felt like it was ripping apart, his stomach throbbing with an empty, hollow pain. This emptiness, this void, was his least favorite feeling, but it was a sacrifice he must fulfill. To be beautiful and wanted, he had to endure this. There wasn't a choice.

The boy sobbed continuously as his stomach growled at him begging for it to be filled. But he couldn't bring himself to move, and so he stayed still, locked in a cycle of self-denial,

The poor boy couldn't take it anymore but he wanted to stay. He didn't want to leave just yet. "Just a little more longer," he whispered through his pained cries, muffled by the pillow that offered no comfort.

Not a soul knew about the poor broken boy. 

Jooyeon was in his deep slumber and Jungsu likely in the same state.  The empty feeling of loneliness closed in around him like a suffocating fog. He hated it. He hated the feeling of having no-one to turn to during his darkest moments.  He longed for welcoming warm hands around his body, the offerings of a sweet reassurance that it will all be okay. He just craved attention in moments like these. Moments where laughing and jokes were distant and irrelevant. 

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he rose on his shaky legs. His vision blurred, stomach numb. He glanced at the unmoving figure on the top bunk, tears brimming his eyes. He easily could wake up the younger to tell him how shitty everything felt but there was this thing that held himback. This voice. The voice that denies everything good in his life and makes it into something so horrible you'd want to rip your ears apart. 

The boy shook his head, his feet leading him to the small room of the kitchen. A kitchen that held no solace. He had to keep restricting himself from everything. He looked down, he couldn't feel his body any longer. Maybe this was a dream, maybe all this wasn't real and he could wake up into the happiest place in the world. But he wasn't in a fantasy world. He was just a broken boy here on Earth. Nothing more. 

He sank onto the couch, feeling disconnected from his own body. The lack of liquid and food in his body sure had a impact. He couldn't even remember when he last had a proper meal without throwing it up. 

Desperately, he violently ran his hands through his hair as he tried to scream but nothing but a soft gasp of air escaped his perched lips. He wished for it to stop, pleading softly, hoping that begging would put a end to it all. But it didn't, he felt a feeling of guilt and shame after trying.

"..Seokie?" 

A sleepy voice sounded throughout the room, making Jiseok freeze. Sitting up quickly, wiping away evidence on his face as he turned around to the half asleep wolf boy's voice. Jiseok was never expecting him to be awake just as he was at this time.

"Why are you awake so early?" He mumbled rubbing his eyes like a sleepy child. His gaze landing on Jiseok's. "Can't sleep?" 

Jiseok just shook his head, "Yeah, can't sleep, go back to bed Joo I'll follow you there shortly after." Jooyeon stared at him in disbelief but his brain was too foggy to deal with this situation properly, he nodded and retraced his steps back into his rooms and into the duvet of his blankets. 

Jiseok exhaled, realizing only now that he was holding his breath. A wave of guilt flooded through him as he felt bad for dismissing his feelings, but he felt powerless to change his habits. He was controlled by his ruthless mind rather than his heart.

His heart urged him to communicate this with Jooyeon or Jungsu, but his mind prevented him from doing so. 

He stared at his trembling hands, scanning over the new features he never realized were there. The paleness of his skin was prominent, and if you paid close attention, a small bruise was forming on his hand. His eyes lazily found themselves paying close attention to the piece of paper on the table in front of him, but his foggy mind struggled to comprehend and understand the sense of words that drove his body to fully focus on the paper. 

He wasn't feeling well. 

. . . 

Jungsu showed his beautiful smile as he introduced Seungmin to his two best friends. The three had shared a variety of similarities yet so many differences. It was the most fascinating to Jooyeon as his adorable puppy eyes stared into Seungmin's soul. Seungmin showed a small smile to Jooyeon, maybe giving him a hint that he really felt uncomfortable with the eyes piercing into his soul, Joo was oblivious as he continued. 

Jungsu shot a disapproving look at Jooyeon, who was engrossed in his staring contest with Seungmin. Annoyed, Jungsu smacked Joo on the head, eliciting a yelp. "That's not how we're going to show our actions to him, Joo! Do you have any manners?" Jungsu's flushed face betrayed his embarrassment, giving away why he acted so harshly.

Meanwhile, Jiseok was zoned out, lost in thoughts that seemed to transport him to places he hadn't known before. His gaze wandered aimlessly until Jungsu poked his hand, jolting him back to reality.

"Are you even listening!?" Jiseok's friend snapped as he looked into his cat like eyes, he shrugged earning a loud groan from the tallest of the bunch. Jiseok just looked at Jooyeon who seemed too busy watching his feet cross eachother under the table a small pout displayed on his face. 

"Sorry the sheep in my brain wanted to play," The smallest mumbled with a teasing tone, a loud gasp escaped Jungsu's mouth as Seungmin laughed. Jiseok could've guessed Jungsu fell in love with that melody as his eyes sparkled when he looked at the other. 

An uncomfortable sensation churned in Jiseok's stomach, making him feel suddenly ill. He couldn't pinpoint the source of his unease, which only deepened his frustration. His head snapped towards Jungsu who seemed much to captivated by a beauty the male sitting beside him was, Jiseok was surprised Seungmin didn't say anything about Jungsu eyeing him down. He honestly seemed cool and chill. 

Their little play date or hangout or whatever it's called had come to an end. Jiseok somehow wished it was longer. Being with his friends provided a temporary escape from this gnawing pain inside of the poor boy. If it wasn't for Jooyeon or Jungsu it was safe to say he wouldn't be here breathing and walking another step. He however couldn't configure out why these past few days his mental health has gotten so drastically worse that even his friend's presence couldn't help him anymore. 

"What's wrong with me?" Jiseok questioned himself repeatedly as he sat in his car, the red light casting a glow on his anxious face. Jooyeon was asleep in the passenger seat. When the light turned green, Jiseok pressed the gas pedal without paying mind on the road. The blast of a horn jolted Jooyeon awake, and the blinding headlights illuminated their side of the car.

Frightened, Jiseok slammed the gas pedal harder, while Jooyeon clutched Jiseok's hand, his eyes shut tightly as tears streamed down his face. The rapid approach of the oncoming car heightened Jooyeon's fear, which Jiseok could almost practically feel in the air. His palms grew sweaty as he desperately tried to avoid a collision, his heart raced alongside Jooyeon's.

. . . 

to be continued in chapter three

iyen's note: CLIFF HANGER >:D MWHAHAHAAHAHAHA im so evil guys im sorry. THIS WAS SO RUSHED AND SO SHORT OMG IM SO SORRY. This wrtier block gettin on my nerves i swear then school starting the 2nd of August what, how does that work bro. SO EARLY. (Still not getting over it.) BUTTT i hope you enjoy this rushed chapter, I'll try to wrtie more in the next I promise, like, pinky promise :pray: I wish you all the best and eat, sleep, and give yourself some time, you got this I believe in you <3. Swear I gotta write more, ERRRR anw. They sm going on aint even funny anymore swear :sob: (guys computer with emojis suck deal wiht it) ANW! adios <3