All the things i couldn't say

Its strange

Its strange
How much wanting to die became a normal thing for teenagers
And how nobody seems to care about it
As long as we go to school
As long as we behave
Nobody cares about what's going on inside our heads

Its strange
Cuz no matter how many times I go to therapy
No matter how many therapist I go to
I just know, in the bottom of my heart
That i will never completely heal
And the idea that death is sweeter than a life in this world
The fact that i will never know how much more suffering i am supposed to take
Will never get out of my head

Its strange
Because I already know I can't be happy by myself
Cuz how many of us will need pills for the rest of their lives so they don't kill themselves?
How sad is that?
Not being able to feel happiness, no matter what you try to
I wonder if there is even a point

I hate
Seeing the people i love
Crying because they don't know what to do with me anymore
Cuz no matter what they try
It's never gonna be enough to fill the emptiness inside of me
It'll never go away

It hurts
Its like someone stabbed my in the heart, or in my head
And the wound would never heal
And the worst part is, I am the only one to blame for this
I am the one who keeps this wound open
Who keep hurting myself
Over and over again

And if death seems like the best solution
It scares me more than anything else
So i keep on waking up every morning
With this stupide hope that one day
I'll find my reason to live
And i won't want to go back to sleep and never wake up

Sometimes I'll cry for no reason
I cry cuz i am hurt
Cuz i don't want to die
I am so scared of loosing this fight
This constant fight against my own self
But I can't loose
Depression is never, ever gonna win
Not as long as I am alive