Bad Teacher (Temp Title)

22| The Yearning

Casey

A mistake.

I had looked him straight right in the eyes and I had told him that our kiss had been a mistake.

I wasn't sure how I expected him to react, but he had paused for the longest time, eerily calm and just staring down at me with that intact stoic expression. He hadn't frowned like he usually did, but I had managed to pick up that little tick in his jaw. That little tick somehow set me off. I wanted to take back my words but they had already been said. It was too late.

“Whatever you want, Cassandra.”

I'll give it to you.

He hadn't needed to say the words, but I had heard them. Loud and clear. He then left me standing between the slightly dusty shelves, confused and frightened and... yearning.

I had yearned as he had walked away from me. Craving him and being afraid of craving him. The combination was intoxicating.

I wanted him so badly and yet I couldn't have him. Within arms reach and also worlds apart.

I  couldn't forget how emotionless he had looked after I had uttered the words.

The man had kissed me like he had hungered for this moments his entire life, and looked down at me like I had meant nothing to him. It was clearly one-sided. He was just another guy caught up in the feel of a warm body, not really into the real me. As I had thought. I knew then I had make the right choice. To put distance between. Distance was what I needed. Maybe even what both of us needed.

Too many unknown variables.

I hated feeling the unbalance it brought into my mind.

I had to focus on applying to universities and catching up one even more homework that have been piling up in the last few weeks. They had been bombing us with homework and assignments and I knew that they needed priority at the moment. Except, my thoughts were not thinking about upcoming tests and group projects and all the somewhat trivial shit involving school, but him.

I wanted him. So badly it hurt.

Exactly what  did I expect?

A hotter, older guy really into me?

Just thinking it seemed ridiculous.

“What's going on in that head of yours?”

I blinked a few times as I got brought back to reality. Logan had a towel wrapped around her as she stepped out of the bathroom. The steam slid into my room as the remains of her shower lingered. Her wet hair clung to her damp skin.

I had to take a shower, too.

“School stuff.” I had been lying so much lately that I felt nothing telling another.

If Logan thought I was lying she doesn’t say anything. Just dropped her towel and walked around buck naked.

I took that as a sign to take my own shower. Long showers had never enticed me, but tonight I prayed that the scalding water would wash away the force of the emotions tumbling around inside of me. As the water cascaded all around me and the steam heated up the bathroom, all I felt were the whispers of his possessive grip and his hungry lips.

Stop. It wasn't real.

Just one-sided. A teacher and a student. Nothing more.

After my shower, I applied lotion to my skin and pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt. I brushed my hair and teeth and stared at my tired reflection in the mirror after wiping away the condensation.