ed sheeran smutshots

things are getting heated (🦶)

A/n
I want to apologize for not updating this monstrosity of a story, but im feeling freaky tonight so here you go.

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One friday night i was relaxing at Eds beautiful penthouse in England.
The candles were lit, the "gay dick i love fat ass wanking a cactus" song was on and so was i..

I hadn't seen Ed in a month. He was touring in America or somewhere i didnt ask..

But all i knew that i was ready to get his 2 inch monster dick inside of my Chamber of secrets.

I had a wine glass in hand an my lingerie was on.

Ed should be home any minute now.......

*knocking*

"Omg finally..."

I went to open the door and as i expected- wait what.

"Who the fuck are you??!" I said to the guy in our doorstep.

"I'm the delivery guy? Isn"t this 69 ligmaballs street?", the confused guy said. (He also had a boner bc im so damn fine)

"Umm.. yes, but I didn't order anything" I said.

"Well just take this i dont care", the guy said and then left.

What the hell??

I went to the kitchen to open the package and well well well...

Ed had ordered some toys for us to play with..

*ding dong*

Omg this has to be Ed.

I went to the door again and there he was..  my beautiful leprechaun with his ugly ass two pieces of ginger hair and his eyes that were looking completely diffrent directions.

But i didn't care. I needed him..

We went to the sofa and the fun began...

As we were aggresively making out Ed stopped.

"What's wrong ginger?" I asked, (my pussy was drowning wet.)

"You're forgetting something..." he said and pointed to the box in the kitchen.

Omg im so fucking wet right now..

I went to the kitchen and got the toys...

I hadn't propely looked what he got, so this was a first glance to me.

There was a collar, cat ears, handcuffs, a whip and a wooden dildo.

"Ed why wood????" I asked

"Well baby im tired of silicone already lets try something new", he said.

"Well okay.. give me your hands then."

I put the handcuffs on an then bent him over on the sofa. I also put the collar and cat ears on..

I lubricated my hands and then I took the pliers and rippes his asshole apart.. oops...

"AAAAARGRHR" Ed (s)creamed.

(At this point of sex i don't really care anymore so i just torture literal shit out of him.)

When his asshole was litreally just a hole i put the dildo in and he moaned so fucking loud.

"Yeahh you like that you little bitch ass kitten", i said to his cat ear.

"MEEEOOOWWW"

Hell no he fucking meowed.

I took the whip and started spanking him so fucking hard.

But the wasn't enough...

I took a burning candle from the living room table and started dripping the wax on his back.

"AAAAUUUGHHHHHHHJ" He moaned.

Because my hands were still slippery from the lubricant the candle accidentally slipped from my hand.

Oh no...

The fire caught the wooden dildo.

"HDISGAGAHUDHSGAAAUSUAAAHAHDUAGAGAGSIDPDPWUQYAGGAGSSHSVAHAHY9Y97AGAGUSVWHSHAUAGAHSUAUWHA" Ed said.

"Lol"

I went to go get the microwave and put a silicone dildo in there and when it melted I shoved it up his ass where the burning wood dildo was.

Ed had came like five times already, but I was not done with him yet..

I pulled the wooden dildo out of his ass and set it under his nipples.

Then his nipples burned and fell off.

I got mad at him and took him to the pool outside.

It was fucking freezing so I pushed him in and soon the pool turned brown??

Ed has shat all over.

The silicone dildo stopped melting and came out of his ass and let his shit out.

I pulled Ed and the dildo out.

The dildo was shaped like Eds hole and Ed? Unconscious from the terrifying smell of his shit..

I was so fucking done with him so I  sent him back to the dildo company with his nipples in the box that the sex toys came.

Lol.

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Thanks for reading this story 🫶🫶🫶🫶