Thank You for Asking but the Answer is No...

Part 1 ~ Death, Destruction and Broken Hearts

Brian's POV

I walk down the filthy stairwell in Justin's rat-infested building that is now his new home. I can't believe that I asked him to marry me, and moreover, I can't believe that he said, 'Thank you for asking but the answer is no...'

No... No... that's the only thing I hear in my head, over and over again. I guess it's time for a Jim Beam intervention. I love the way it burns just a little going down on that first sip. It needs to cause a little pain, if it's going to relieve a little pain.

Wow. I guess I should have known better, you can only push someone away so many times, then eventually they stop coming back at all. I guess there's no going back this time. He can't see me anymore. I'm just a burnt-out shell of a man now, just like Babylon.

Who knew that the day I'd finally grow up, would also be the same day I completely died inside? I finally realized what I had, only I didn't have it anymore. I finally realized that I needed him in my life, and he no longer wants to be part of that any more. I feel hollow, empty, abandoned, and soon to reach my expiration date.

I'm sitting in the back of Woody's willing myself to be invisible. I'd like to crawl into that bottle of Beam and just drown. I'm too drunk to go back to the hospital and he probably wouldn't want to see me now if he's awake, even if I did. After all Mr. Novotny made it perfectly clear that, 'just because we've been friends for our whole life, isn't a reason to keep on being friends.'

I can't help feeling like everyone in here is staring at me, and not in a positive, life-affirming way. They all seem to have pity in their eyes. Do I look that pathetic? I didn't see him approach, but I look up and see Brandon sitting down at my table.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I thought maybe you might need someone to talk to."

"And pray tell, why would I want it to be you?"

"Well, none of your other friends are here, and I know I wouldn't want to be alone if my best friend just died."

"He didn't die. He just doesn't want to marry me."

I can't believe I just said that to this total prick I hate.

"What? I thought that he was already married? And had that foster hustler?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew. You looked so sad, and it was on the 6 o'clock news. He was rushed back into surgery this afternoon. He had internal bleeding, but they couldn't stop it."

"Oh God, no."

No, don't let that be true. I reach for my cell but it's turned off. Then I remember turning it off so no one would interrupt my proposal to Justin. It's full of messages from everyone, including Justin. They started hours ago but I was already in full-blown drama mode. Oh God! Michael died when I was shit-faced drunk. How do you like the stud of Liberty Avenue now? God, I make myself sick.

I get up to leave and Brandon says, "You're in no condition to drive. Would you please let me take you?"

He's being so nice, and I never treated him with anything but cruelty and bitter comments.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I know what it's like to lose someone."

"Someone? I feel like I've lost everything. What is there left for me here?"

Brandon says, "Do you want me to drive your car or mine?"

"What kind of car to you have?"

"It's a 1969 Mercedes Benz. She's a boat, a real tank but she purrs. I call her Miss Nell, she was my grandmother's when I was a kid. Then she sat in the garage for a decade or more. Miss Nell was my grandma's housekeeper, and she drove me everywhere when I was visiting my grandparents."

They decide on Miss Nell, she has lots of room and Brian can stretch out. It's about eight o'clock at night and Brian asks if it would be okay just to drive around for a while. He needs to clear his mind and come to grips with everything that's happened. Brandon asks, 'Shouldn't you check in with someone? Let them know you're okay?"

"No. There's no one now. There's really nothing holding me here anymore. I guess I've used and abused just about everyone and everything in this town. It's best that I just move along."

"You don't want to go to the funereal?"

"They won't want to see me."

"But you might need the closure, to let him go."

"You really don't know me, do you?"

"No. But you don't appear to be that same asshole who was stalking me last week."

"Stalking you? I never."

"Ha, ha, ha. So, what about this guy you asked to marry you?"

"He's better off without me."

"Uh huh..."

~~~~

Justin's just about insane, he's looked everywhere for Brian. He found the 'Vette on Liberty Avenue the night before last. But the last time he saw Brian was when he turned down his proposal, which he now truly regrets. He should have known that it would crush Brian. He should have known how hard it was for him to ask. He should have known that he would need someone to be there for him while Michael was in the hospital. And now the unthinkable has happen. He knows he should be there for Brian now, now that Michael has passed away.

He can't imagine what kind of shape Brian must be in right about now. He hasn't been back to the loft since early on the day after the bombing. Where the fuck could he be? Michael's funeral is in a couple of hours, so Justin waits at the loft. He's alone wondering if things could be any more fucked up.

TBC...