That's a wrap! Finally, I'll graduate after 2 years in Senior High School! Everyone inside the classroom congratulated each other; some hugged their friends, and the others were busy on their phones. Genuinely, I am happy that our hard work paid off!
"Lu, sama ka mamaya ah? May party na gaganapin sa bahay namin!" Saad ni Jessica. I don't know if my Dad would approve of it. Besides, I just want to celebrate this moment by drawing or painting in my room. Or am I giving an excuse?
"Hay nako! Never ka na nakasama sa mga hangouts ng section natin, Lu!" I saw Melanie rolled her eyes. Tama naman siya, hindi ako nakakasama dahil sa bukod na strict si Daddy, I feel left out.. even inside this classroom, I am with them but sometimes I feel like I'm a loner. I don't want to think deep about it, but that's what I feel. Isa siguro 'yon sa rason kung bakit hindi ako sumasama sakanila.
"I'll try my best, okay?" Naiilang na sabi ko sakanila. I looked at their faces hindi maipinta ang mukha nilang dalawa. They seem disappointed.
"Hay, Lu. Basta, later by 8 P.M. pumunta ka nalang if you want to,"
There's a part of me that really wants to go.. but I kept thinking that Dad would nag me and unnecessary words will come out his mouth. Iniisip ko palang na mag papaalam ako ay magagalit na siya at sa huli, hindi rin naman pala papayag.
But despite these thoughts coming into my head, I still try to ask Dad if he would let me.. and I wish I didn't.
Binaba ni Dad and kanyang kubyertos at tinignan ako ng matalim. Tita Rebecca, my Stepmom and my two Stepsisters were eating as if this thing was normal to them. As if they were the real family.
"Are you out of your mind?! Do you really need to celebrate your small success?!" Wow. Just wow. Small success? Well, I guess I need to be optimistic because, for him, it's still a success.
"Dad.. I'll be graduating with High Honors naman po. And this will be the last celebration I'll have before college starts," Hopeful was evident in my voice. I really wish I could come, because I know after graduation, hindi na ito mauulit pa. Siguro may reunion, pero ano ba naman 'yung pagbigyan niya ako ng isang beses? I never really had the chance to go to celebrations or parties with my classmates or friends.. if I had some.
"Hon, please calm down." Hinawakan ni Tita Rebecca ang kamay ni Dad ngunit hindi sapat 'yon para kumalma siya. Nakita ko naman ang pag-irap ni Veronica at pag-sama ng tingin saakin ni Valerie.
"Do you think that I'll be happy knowing you'll receive an award? I don't care, Lucianna! I won't even attend your graduation. Don't expect me to be there and don't expect me na papayag ako mag-celebrate ka ngayon!" I looked at him with no emotion.
What did I do to him? Hindi ko alam. Ever since I was a child, he always made me feel like he didn't care for me, he didn't show any affection to me, and he didn't even call me his daughter! Sometimes I wonder if I am really his daughter. He never physically abused me, but mentally, huh! No words for it.
My Mom died when I was three years old that's why I barely know her.. and I wish she was here. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I'll feel loved..
I don't want to cry because right now, I am full of anger. I hate it here!
I stood up, slammed the table, and gave my piercing hateful eyes to my father. Everyone was shocked. Of course, this is the first time I acted this way. I always try to suppress my emotions. I try my best not to be hateful, because even though he acts this way; he feeds me, supports my education, and gives me a house to sleep in. But what the hell right? It's his responsibility to do these things but the wage of his responsibility is his hate towards me.
