What I Want To Hide, What I Want.

Overwhelmed

In a blink I'm placed on a pedestal being weighed of my worth. I never envisioned this but life tossing me into a whirlpool the second I step up the ladder to twenty is so not it!

For one my petty granny passes on and leaves me grieving, on top of that I get accepted after my debut.

What is that feeling?
Thrilled, glad,sad...nope...Aah! Overwhelmed with one two many emotions is what I am.

Mother tells me to go ahead and live my dream in Tokyo. How though, with the thought of my diseased  granny being buried a day after me turning a year older.

I  want to cry  but a weird memory flashes across my mind and the tears retreat .  It is all her fault, how could she say that I look cute while crying? Granny!!!

How can I cry when my father does all the crying for me. More attention is clearly directed his way. He has a disorder so it is very important we get him to calm down because the second he snaps I become the victim of his verbal thrushing literally.

Most of my efforts are trained on trying to distract him. Granny lived well and healthy.  What took her was her old age. For a hundred and ten year old elderly she did appear a bit younger always smiling and nagging. I will miss her.

"Nakano are you going?" Comes a voice from behind me. In my confused state that voice sounds foreign.

"Nakano?" Calls it again.

"Eeh" I subconsciously  voice it. That was ment to be an inner thought.

"Yoshi, please come in," Mother calls out from the doorway.

Yoshi? That was Yoshi talking? I do not remember his voice sounding so strained and slender.

I turn a bit too fast and end up face down on the floor. The embarrassment looming over my unheard thoughts is killing me. On the bright side father noticed me for the first time in two hours.

"What are you doing on the floor Nakano?"  He asks.

It has been seconds,what am I still doing on the floor.

I pick myself up and bow my apology his way, towards my mother and not in a million years will I do that for Yoshi! I blame him to begin with .

"Pardon my intrusion," Yoshi let's himself in and stands next to me.

"I am sorry for coming at the wrong time," Yoshi says.

"It is okay, we will celebrate her long life later in the evening. Please help me invite the neighbours," Mother says to no one in particular
her attention divided between us and father.

"Yes , I will make sure to inform everyone," Yoshi unfortunately smiles at the end of his declaration.

I quickly look at my father who catches the smile and is glaring daggers at a now clueless Yoshi. My eyes dat to mom and she gets my signal.

" Honey, you must be tired let me help you to bed. You need some rest."

I  sigh after they disappear through the door.

"You almost unleashed the thrush on me you fool," I vent it on Yoshi.

" It would be fun though, seing you getting scolded."

As expected from this brainless chatterbox.

" I'm very sorry about your grandmother Taichi," he adds.

"No, it is okay, she passed away peacefully and happy."

"Are you going,"  he asks his hands bumping my shoulders.

Where was I going again? Could he be talking about Tokyo?

"You got in,right?"

Oh, about the debut.

"Yes."

"Ah, what a relief, I was praying for you too," he says.

What does he mean me too. Is he going to Tokyo as well. Is that why he looks so happy?

"What do you mean me too?" I decide to ask.

"Mmh, my brother's friend also debuted  for the same company, I think his name is Takara."

"Oooh,eeh!"

This might actually be terrible! Someone Yoshi knows, what if he shares things about me!

"Do not worry, I do not even know who he is but Yuki insisted on offering prayers for him too," he assures me.

Oh. Wait , how did he know about what I was thinking?

"Your facial expressions sell you," he adds.

"Stop that idiot!"

Yoshi and I sit still watching as the spring wind blows scattering the pink blossoms all over the yard. It is so calm and quiet exactly what I wanted. The memories I had with granny flash in my mind. The thought of her makes me smile.

Wherever you are granny, I hope you are happy.

" Yoshi, I forgot to ask, what is wrong with your voice?"

He neither looks my way nor answers my question. Now I really want to know what is the big idea with him sounding like a little girl.

"You sick? Someone punch you in the throat? Or maybe you ate spicy food," I laugh at my conclusions.

"I cried all night long," he says his head dropping.

"Heh, what? Why? Who made Yoshi cry?"

"Ai died," he says with a low voice.

Oh no. Not Ai! I loved her so much. Her brown silky hair, big blue eyes and fluffy tail. Why did his cat die, noooo!!!!

"Oki don't cry you'll make me cry," Yoshi says looking at me.

How can I not cry, in addition to my petty most loved granny ; Ai dies too leaving Yoshi and me lonely.

I was never going to cry but I totally forgot that my emotions could only hold for this long. The final blow was Yoshi hugging me.

I cried in his welcoming arms heaving and with laboured breathing. I'm glad I got to let it all out . Because it is Yoshi I did not hold back either.

"Feeling better?" Yoshi asks me.

I take his scent in and tighten my arms around him. Yoshi is warm and fuzzy like a big teddy bear. His heart beat is soothing to listen to and ...

"Can I stay like this for a while?" I ask.

Yoshi strokes my hair and smiles nodding his head.

"Sure little buddy."

For thirty minutes Yoshi holds me in his arms. When I finally let go of him I felt much better .

"Shall we go invite the neighbors Oki? " Yoshi asks.

"Mmh."