Man enough to admit I was wrong
And man enough to admit I miss you.
As I look at you, with my cold eyes and numbed heart. I could't feel a thing... a single god damned thing... I wish my heart faltered, I wish my heart skipped and I wish I was able to feel happy when you used to be around.
Back in my mind, I just wished someone would take you away from me, I just wished you would've left me and loved someone else... I just wished you should've hurt me instead of me hurting you... because hurting me had more reasons and validity to it.
As I came face to face with you, I couldn't help but look away, not because of how Embarassed I was but maybe because of how guilty, insecure and weak I felt.
I loved seeing you, I loved watching you smile and look happy, it made me glad that you were somehow okay, somehow away from your troubles.
But only if I was brave enough to understand you, brave enough to embrace you and brave enough to love you, things wouldn't have ended up this way and maybe I wouldn't hurt now. Now I know that I was the one that fell last... but it hurts falling for you, because I'd just hear my back make a thud. Nobody would catch me anymore, and that's the reality, that's the karma I brought to myself.
But I'm happy
because I get to love you now
I get to be the man I needed to be
I get to feel and say what I should've told you
I can finally love that little kid that wanted me
so much yet so sincere
so beautiful yet so fragile
I can finally love her.
I just wish... I was a little braver back then
Maybe we could have loved each other enough.
maybe you wouldn't have suffered
And maybe I wouldn't either.
I realized you've always been the one I craved since 3rd grade. How tragic yet beautiful things are.
