The Mafia's Angel | 18+

𝙏𝙚𝙣

𝘼𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙖

✦⋆𓆩✧𓆪⋆✦

Erik and I hardly spoke to each other.

And as I dropped myself onto Ari's bed in his master, I let tears flow down my cheeks. This wasn't supposed to drive a wedge between my brother and me, Erik and I have been close our entire lives. He was my best friend, Erik and I did everything together growing up. But now he couldn't even look at me, he acted as if I was the most disgusting human in the world. And maybe I was because I got to live and Lily didn't. Maybe I was a villain in everyone's story. Because why was I the only one who got to live, why was I the one everyone looked at like a stranger?

My knees were tucked under my chin when Ari stepped into the room, his back rigid but his eyes softening when he saw me. It only took three seconds before Ari was lying next to me, tugging me onto his chest so I could cry in familiar arms.

His hands were gentle as they caressed my body, warm palms gripping my thighs when I pulled my legs around his hips, clinging to him like a koala bear. His lips ghosted over my temple, but he didn't force me to talk, not until I was ready. He just let me cry, soaking his pristine button-up with mascara, snot, and tears. And it was further proof that even though I had no one, I had Ari. With his gentle teddy bear nature to me, the familiar strength that I was borrowing from daily. Every moment of every day, Ari was there. Even when I didn't want him to be, he was there and watching.

"Angel," Ari's voice was gentle, and the soft caress of his hands made me break further, tears free falling down my cheeks, hiccuping breaths leaving my mouth as I broke, truly broke. I was an endless well of agony, of grief. And my brother was nowhere to be found. He didn't want to see me, he was leaving for Italy, and I was utterly alone. Every part of my life has completely shattered and I'm floating in an abyss. "Hey, angel please."

I couldn't stop the guttural cries from leaving me. I've been strong and acted like I was numb because that's what I'm supposed to be, I'm not supposed to show sympathy, I wasn't supposed to hurt in front of others. But how could I not when my little sister and parents were ripped so cruelly from this world, where I had to hear the last moments of their lives and live with the excruciating pain of it every single day? My fingers curled into Ari's shirt, desperation and agony mixing together and forcing me breathless.

I shook in Ari's arms as the brick wall of agony slammed into me.

"I'm so tired," I whispered, my chest aching from the force of my cries, "Erik thinks it's my fault, it is my fault, I shouldn't be here!" I screamed into his chest, Ari's hands tightening on my hips as I screamed my grief into the void of his room. "I shouldn't be here!"

Black was edging into my vision, my ears were ringing and I was gasping for air that was so unattainable I thought I was going to pass out. Ari pushed me up, his hands on my hips as he lay against the headboard, making me look at him. "Breathe Ariella," One of his hands slid over the top of my head, and then his fingers pressed on my fluttering pulse, eyes widening at the quick pace my heart was beating at. "Look at me, and focus on me only."

I blinked, the tears trickling off my eyelashes and smearing down my face. "Breathe angel, I need you to breathe," I shook my head, clawing at my chest because I felt like I couldn't get air. My grief was literally going to pull me under. Ari's warm palm slid to the front of my throat, eyes never leaving mine. "I'm going to press down when your vision starts fading slap my wrist, and I'll let go," I nodded, tears still slipping down to my lips, "You need to breathe."

And then I was losing oxygen as Ari's hand closed around my windpipe, and the agony I was once feeling, slowly got replaced by the very real fear of dying. Even though I knew Ari wouldn't kill me, my mind was convinced this was the end. But I kept Ari's gaze, studying the flecks of dark blue that littered his iris'. And then, when black edged my vision, the tunnel getting smaller, I slapped Ari's wrist, collapsing against his chest with a gasping breath. Ari said nothing, one of his arms wrapped around my waist to keep me close to him, while the other stroked the back of my head gently. I was wheezing while he cradled me, and when I shut my eyes, I finally felt the agony leave me, even if it was just for tonight.