null • Ray

00

Breakfast smells nice. Everyone in the orphanage is preparing breakfast, and everyone has a role.

They say that everyone has a role to fulfill in this world, and that they're going to know theirs sooner or later. I see that everyone around me is special, except for me. I'm one of the oldest kids in the orphanage, but I'm no match to the others.

Compared to Emma, I'm not as agile. In fact; I've always been quite feeble since I was little. Compared to Norman, I'm not as smart as him. He's a genius strategist, and he always seems sure of himself. And then there's Ray -- His diligence is top tier, he's an avid reader which makes him smarter than the rest of the kids here.

I've always felt out of place, compared to the other kids. I feel distant from everyone, not being able to fit in properly. I'm always at the corner, or overshadowed by quite literally everyone else. I can't blame them, though. Sometimes, I don't even have the energy to interact with everyone. Some days, I choose to shut down and avoid interacting with anyone.

That, combined with my feeble physique -- In a month, I could cross off 7 days as my sick days. That piles up to a week of barely any interactions with the other kids. I'm aware that I have a problem, but I choose to do nothing of it. I feel like a parasite in between all of these wonderful individuals. Some days, I can't help but wonder -- What was I made for?

Everyone's eating and chatting in the dining table, and I'm here stuck in my inner monologue. I'm here thinking about how I feel while I could be talking to everyone else, and I'm aware of it. But I choose to do nothing about it, because -- Why not?

---

"The top scorers are Emma, Norman, and Ray! Perfect scores!" Mama says, clapping her hands in fulfillment. I sigh as I realize that I'm a dissapointment, never being able to have consistent perfect scores. Yes, I've gotten them once or twice in the past -- maybe even more, but I still can't be consistent with it.

I spend most of my time in my inner monologue, instead of studying. To make up for that, I use my logic. There's always an explanation for everything, and that helps. Being in my inner monologue and daydreaming all day really hones my rationality, and it's a blessing and a curse.

It gives me a lot of self awareness, which ruins my self confidence. I'm a flawed human being, just like everyone else -- but even worse. With the self awareness I have, also comes with ignorance. It's not the 'blissful' ignorance that I yearn for, but it's the one where you ignore all of your internal turnoil because you don't want to deal with it.

"Norman, I challenge you to a game of tag!"

Gee, Don's back at it again.

---

Norman's playing as it, and everyone's being tagged one by one. And here I am, on the edge of a cliff. Nobody's going here even if it's an obvious hiding spot -- and that's why I'm here. I'm sure that Norman would think that a normal human being won't hide in a place so opened, or atleast won't think of something so obvious as a hiding place.

Why would I need to hide in the itchy bushes if I could breathe in some fresh air? This place is nice! Not much bugs, and the view is great --

'creak'

The sound of a branch breaking is crisp, someone must be there -- most likely Norman. Even if I'm detached, that doesn't mean that I'm not competitive.

I can't run back, because then; I'll fall in the cliff. I'll need to run forward, and that's what I'll do.

"Got you," the sound comes in from my left ear, and now I'm stuck looking like a deer in headlights. Judging from the voice, it must be Norman. Well, atleast I almost had the win.

I turn my head to look at him, just to find him smiling at me. "You're one of the last ones," He's saying it as if it's a good thing, if I'm not the last then I don't want to hear it!

"Is that supposed to be good?" I asked, not knowing what else to do.

"Your weakness is that you overthink, if you didn't run here; I wouldn't have caught you."