when he's not here

Feelings

I ask myself the same question every day. Every day, I sometimes have a different answer; Does anyone really feel how I feel?

I've asked my "friends" this, and they looked at me like I was crazy. Its a genuine question. 

I have never really had any real friends. I was always different, like no one ever understood me. Now, I'm not trying to sound like a pick-me, girls, boys, non-binary's don't like me . But really, I absolutely fucking hate being different, I hate how everyone looks at me like some weird freaky person.

I had a friend before, at least I thought so. I talked to her a lot, like every single day. I would sit with her at lunch, work in group projects with her, and I really liked her.  I over heard her making fun of me with people in the hallway, when I confronted her, she looked me in the face and laughed. "Oh lilac, you are so fucking stupid! You're just some random kid who sits with me. I didn't ask for that." I guess its my fault I don't talk to anyone anymore, after that I stopped talking to anyone, and everyone.

And that brings me back to my same question. Does anyone feel the same as me? The feeling of a fucking irritating burning that never goes away, the burning that creeps up my throat, lingering and laughing at my pain and loneliness? The feeling that's there from when I go to bed to when I wake up? I guess I can keep wondering. Feelings are weird.

Which, gives me a new question. Why do I feel this way? 

Just another day, of a miserable life.