not for the lighthearted

TITLE GO BRRR

getting straight into it
lezgo

This all started 2 years ago in 2022, late August, (prolly) when we first moved into our new house. Thats when i started seeing him. This...tall-ish figure. the only definite details were the blurry eyes and a smile that shined in the dim blue light of my lava lamp (be jealous). He would just...Stand there and watch me. It was some sort of sleep paralysis. I couldnt move. Neither could he...Is what it seemed for the first 3 weeks. On this day (September 13'th) is when it happened. He moved up to the side of my bed, staring down at me, with that same smile. It almost looked like a mask from how still the smile was. I could only see the teeth and the blurry eyes. I always thought that it was a dream until he started following me. I always knew when he was staring at me from afar. Even in public places. He started telling me things, to hurt myself, to hurt others, to hurt, hurt, hurt, burn things, break things, let myself rot in my own filth. And thats when we started to go to church. 

What a fucking coincidence. 

That made it worse. He looked angry now. When I saw him, his smile was replaced by an emotionless stare. I could still see the teeth, just now more in a 😬 look than before. He looked like i had done something that was against his rules. I did the church thing against my will. Then, every single day he would show up. He even started moving things around. I see him picking my things up and dropping them onto the floor. What a prick move. I try to be nice to him but when he acts like that, I can

Then 2023 rammed its nasty little head into the picture. That whole year was shit. The one year I tried to end my subscription to life early 15 times in one month. The one year i was falesy accused of something that had to get police involved (mind you im DEATHLY afraid of police officers for no apparent reason i just am leave me alone) It was something stupid, i can assure you. Some dirty bitch accused me of watching porn on the school laptop. I mean- im dumb but- come on. Not even I would do that and I looked for my phone with my phone for 2 hours. She had no evidence of me doing anything like that. No screenshots, pictures, videos, or anyone to back her up. Where did she think that would go? I dont know and i dont care. Either way i get into trouble. Which I did. Best day to do it, too. 

I got ISS (in school suspension) on the day I felt ✨extra✨ no live-y and the day we were going to see some crappy musical at the high school. I felt awful. Like I actually had done something wrong. I didnt do anything! I still dont know why they put me in ISS. Anyways- around 11-ish he was getting to me. He kept telling me to end it, end your eternal suffering of false accusations, harassment, and constant hate. (i remember this clearly) Then, can you guess what happened next?! Thats right! I stabbed my arm, left hand, right wrist (the top) and leg with my pencil, went to the nurse, almost hung myself with my hoodie's draw string (there are little hooks on the walls in the nurse's office) then got sent home for being a threat to myself and others. I still have the scars to this day. Its a grey discoloration, so, its obvious.

Now, 2024. I though this year was gonna be my year. My year to do anything and everything I wanted...

*insert extremely loud incorrect buzzer* 
(Amelia_loves_games you know wassup)

THINK AGAIN, ME. oh- how wrong could I have been?! I mean- we did  go on some wild ass vacation. (went to a hemp farm,(T E X A S  B A B Y) got a sick ass hat :P) But- as soon as we got back, he was livid. Angriest i've ever seen him. He scratched my back, leg, and arm multiple times, (i didnt have the mental capacity to tell anyone, so...yaay) he makes me a total bitch, insulting and degrading all my friends and fam (i called mommy a nasty border hopping latina bitch i will never forgive myself for that :sob:) then makes me sad so everybody thinks im just a guilt-tripper (mood swing). THEN he fucking did the worst thing I couldnt even have thought he could do. 

I swear to fucking god this bitch pushed the clock off the damn wall
Right off the wall
Loud ass
C R A- KFFFH
Glass everywhere
Metal sharp bits
Everywhere
Mind you, I was sitting MERE FEET away from the clock. Mommy was there. I cried for half an hour. I was scared out of my mind. Mommy gave me comfort huggies and felt how shaky and sweaty I was, i had a good reason to. I helped her clean up the glass, cut myself (A C I D E N T A L L Y) with it, then she led me up to her room to have one of her pajammie shirts (w). And to her shock, big ass scratches, a good foot long across my lower tumy tum tum, my right arm from my shoulder to a little above my wrist, and that one scratch from my waist down to my knee. Rightfully, she was scared and asked who done did this and I told her making her even more scared, rightfully. I slept with her that night. She was scared and so was I.

And...Here I am
present fucking day
still scared for my life
I know he's here
He has been watching me type this entire thing
I know it. He isnt slick.
Sometimes he is
...
Most of the time he is
but not this time
hehe
Im gonna end it here cuz I think papi is waking up to go to work and i do 
 n o t
 wanna explain any of this to him because he doesnt wanna know about any of this
mkay byee :D
(1027 words gwaaahh)