I remember the time that that song played over the radio. The familiar piano keys and the intoxicating humming of Sasha Sloan. I remember when she broke into the verse that i would look at you as you sing the notes beautifully, hitting every single one perfectly. And i remembered i would hum together with you to elevate the moment.
How do i love? At that time, that part never hurt. It was as if we were two souls meeting on a dance we thought could last forever. And at that time, my eyes were on no one but you. We would play it on Spotify, amplified it with a speaker and at that time, none of the lyrics hurt. If memory persists, i would hurt my vocal chord trying to emulate Sasha Sloan's chorus but you would be giggling. How i miss that soft giggle you do and the eyeroll that made me fall even harder.
When did we we ever say goodbye? The beginning of the end was something i couldnt have thought. The fallout. The silence. We were talking for two weeks, even loving each other for two weeks. And after that? We pulled away like nothing ever happened. We were strangers to each other, incapable of fixing anything as we were so far apart. I often noticed you would look at me but me? I cannot look you in the eye because i was so afraid of hurting you, so afraid that if we come back together, i will hurt you harder. And i pulled away. Was that our goodbye?
How do i love? The chorus hits again. It hits and it hits the hardest. It clenches my heart and squeezes it of blood that i felt that i cant breath no longer. Then after so long i realized that i have been dancing with a ghost.
I remember after a long time, i sang that song. We sang that song. For one last time. I sang it first, whispered much of it off-tune, as much as i can remember. My voice faltered before the first chorus but you picked up where i left off. And as it hits the second chorus, I remembered why I loved you. I loved you for the way you treated like i was someone, rather than an annoying scab. You understood me like no one else did. You showed me that i was capable of loving someone even if it meant that i broke my personal vows and promises. You showed me how easy it is to let down my walls and explore the world together, holding your hands.
We never reached the third chorus because we both knew, that neither of us would be able to sing the song together. And so we never did. Then, after so long i realized i have been dancing with a ghost.
P.S. I am lamenting a love i had once and its gone now. If you know who you are, don't come back to me please. Inspired by Sasha Sloan-Dancing With Your Ghost.
