Destructive Passion

Chapter 1

Mia POV

-So, what was your average grade for the first semester?

Hearing my older sister Eva's question, I immediately stop doing the dishes.
And if I didn't pass, what am I supposed to say? In the most natural way possible, I continue washing my plate while trying to find an answer that wouldn't get me into too much trouble.

-Well...I haven't had the results yet, they're really taking their time, I feign.

In fact, I've had my results for a few days now and I'm not really surprised that I didn't get the average. My first four months at university were mainly spent getting to know student life. As for the number of hours I spent in lectures, I'd rather not even talk about that. My elder sister paused for a moment, which didn't bode well, before resuming:

-Oh, all right. But I was sure you'd had the results two days ago.

Her answer only served to chill me further, convincing me that I could no longer escape this conversation. What did you think, Mia? Your sister's in touch with the whole faculty, of course she knows when the first-year results are out.
I finally turned to face her. I took a deep breath before telling her what was on my mind.

-Well, it's true that... that I was able to see my semester results quickly, but you should know...

-Mia, stop beating around the bush, it won't do you any good with me, she cut me off.

I bit my lip, preparing myself for the worst. Well, fucked for fucked...

-The truth is, I didn't pass my semester, but it was a hair's breadth away, I assure you! I was almost average in everything else, but one lousy deuce in math killed the whole thing. And you know, with the introduction to parties and all, well...well, I didn't know how to manage my time, I finally admit before taking another deep breath.

There, I've said it.
Although I've surely done the hard part, I know that what's to come isn't going to be pleasant. My sister seems to have mixed feelings, maybe the parties didn't go down well. Last year, she was in the same situation as me, immersed in this new world where the desire to party is much stronger than the desire to work. Yet she passed her first semester with flying colors. That's what makes her and me so different.

-Mia, I'm not here to reprimand you or play the police, you know you can tell me anything, but for God's sake, have you thought about how Mom and Dad will react? They're going to be so... disappointed.

And there it is. I'm almost surprised she didn't even try to lecture me. Not for a second. She preferred to get straight to the point, to talk about what our parents might think, as if she knew that was the only thing that could really touch me.
It almost hurts more than if she'd tried to yell at me, as if she considered that my case was already hopeless and that a good moral lesson couldn't change anything.

I freeze, my head down, like a child caught at fault. I have nothing to say to her, because yes, I've already anticipated my parents' reaction when they heard the news. I can already see them, their faces marked by disappointment, realizing that the youngest is far from following her older sister's example, even though they were probably expecting it...

My sister, who is a year older than me, studied economics out of passion. Last year, she did brilliantly, finishing in the top ten of her class. As for me, I simply followed her example, without really knowing what I wanted for my future. And now, with just a nine average, I'm about to become the shame of the family.

Probably seeing my dejected expression, Eva approaches me gently and hugs me, as if trying to comfort me.

-Hey...don't pull that face. You're not alone, Mia. I'm going to help you get back on your feet, she says, surely trying to reassure me.

And despite her comforting words, I still feel like a fool. I've always felt incapable of fending for myself, unlike her. Eva is the exact opposite of me, the perfect child my parents always dreamed of. From an early age, she excelled at school and was the kind, smiling girl everyone wanted to make friends with.

Since starting university, she has juggled her social life with her studies. An active member of the student office, she knows a lot of students and even manages to make friends with the teachers. In short, she's the kind of person it's impossible to dislike.

I was never a bad student, at least until university, but I was less studious. I was never rambunctious, but I was less wise. Less able to make friends with everyone.

It's as if I were the failed version of my sister.

Still, I know my parents love me, and I can't complain about that. But I'm also aware that they don't expect much from me. Maybe they were just hoping I'd tell them I'd passed my semester, and that would probably have been enough for them. As long as Eva's there to raise the bar, I can pretty much do whatever I want with my life.

Some might ask: what's the point of complaining, if I can afford almost anything without my parents having high expectations? I've asked myself that question before, but unfortunately, I'm someone who craves attention and recognition. It's what gives me the self-confidence to move forward. And when I don't find that validation from those around me, I go looking for it elsewhere.