I Just Want to Be With My Wife

Weddings, Bedtime Stories and Money, Oh My!

"Someone help me out here!" Luigi says, arms full as he walks into the room.

"Luigi!" Morty greets as he spots him. "I'd like you to meet Rabbi Rosenthal and Rebbetzin Blum. Rabbi, Rebbetzin, this is my friend Luigi Mario. I brought him to help with the reception."

"Pleasure to meet you." Luigi says.

"Pleasure to meet you as well, sir." Blum greets.

"Uh, will you excuse us for a moment? There's something I need to discuss with Morty here." Luigi pulls Morty away. "Why are you doing this?"

"This is my fiancé's temple. We're getting married here." Morty says. "It's very traditional."

"But what exactly is this room?" Luigi asks, gesturing around them.

"This is where we're holding the reception." Morty explains.

"Here?" Luigi repeats.

"Yes..."

"No, you can't." Luigi says immediately. "Have you seen this room? There's not even a window in here. It looks like a classroom."

"It is a classroom." Morty confirms. "And my fiancé's brother got married here too."

"Can't be too happy if the marriage started in a Jewish classroom!" Luigi points out.

"Is everything alright?" Blum calls over.

"Fine!" Luigi calls back as he leads Morty further away. "You need a much bigger room, like the one we passed by to get in here."

"The function room." Morty supplies.

"Please tell me that's not what it's actually called." Luigi begs.

"That's reserved for big donors." Morty says. "And unfortunately I'm not Jewish, nor is my fiancé a big donor."

"Money, huh?" Luigi says thoughtfully. "Let me handle this. Who's got more pull here, the Rabbi or the Rebbetzin?"

"Luigi!" Morty objects.

"Morty..." Luigi pushes.

"The Rebbetzin." Morty finally admits.

Luigi nods, then goes back over to them asking immediately, "Rebbetzin Blum, may I speak to you?"

"Of course." Blum smiles.

"Isn't Morty quite the catch to do this for his bride to be?" Luigi asks.

"I've known her since she was a little one." Blum replies. "I witnessed her tevilah."

"I'm Catholic." Luigi says. "So we just dunk someone in a tank and call it a day. I just wanted to ask, is there any way we can repaint it? Maybe a warmer color?"

"Rebbetzin picked this color out." Rosenthal says testily.

"And she did an amazing job." Luigi says quickly. "But wouldn't a shade of lilac do just as well?"

"It's a classroom." Blum says.

"And we have no room in the budget to repaint it." Rosenthal adds.

"What about flowers?" Luigi tries next. "Flowers can work wonders in any room."

"None." Blum says.

"If there's no money for paint, there's definitely no room for flowers." Morty says.

"Not even for funerals?" Luigi's not giving up. "Is there any scheduled right before Morty's wedding?"

"Luigi!" Morty finally exclaims, pulling him away.