What if it wasn't okay?

Insomnia-Eve

I wake up with a start like every night at the moment, I blink a few times then run my hand over my face remembering the images of my nightmare, I stopped counting the number of times I killed people in my dreams. Despite the urge to cry I sit up and grab my phone, I look at the time: 3:48, it's October 4th.

It's been 9 years now, 9 years since I moved but this feeling of having abandoned all my friends persists, I abandoned a part of myself that year. The little girl with the bright smile is dead, replaced by some kind of stranger with a forced smile.
I was barely 8 years old when I had to leave behind the peaceful life I had, sometimes I wonder what I would have been if I had not moved.

While I'm thinking about my childhood again and again, time goes by and I still can't fall asleep. I check my phone one more time : 5:58 a.m. I didn't realized that the night was already over, I hear my brother's alarm clock. It's 6A.M, and like every other mornings I get up, get dressed, pack my bag and then have 30 minutes left to chill on my phone before leaving for school. It's a 30minutes long walk. While I walk I listen to music on my headphones, except when, sometimes, I just want to listen to nothing but my thoughts before classes, when I'll have to only think about lessons. I see the bus at my bus stops when I'm still pretty far from it.

-fuck!

I run and somehow manage to get on, I take a seat next to an old lady, it's not that I don't like her but she talks a lot and I'd rather be alone. Sorry Ms Kate, maybe next time, there's an empty seat next to Oliver. I don't really want to sit next to a boy especially since I'm wearing a skirt but if I can escape Ms Kate's stories... I walk towards Oliver and discretely sit next to him.
-Oh hi! Oliver greets me, pulling his headphones down on his shoulders.

-Uhm... Hi?

-Eve right?

-Yeah... Is he dumb or what, we were in the same class in elementary school??

-I'm Oliver nice to-

-I know, I cut him

-Okay...

If I where to introduce Oliver, I'd say his the most social, smiling, not awkward, handsome guy, and believe me when I say he's handsome. He's tall, he has the most perfect curly hair and beautiful blue eyes that you could mistake for the sky. His headphones never leaves him (I'm not even sure if he takes it off when he sleeps) . My eyes trails down from his oversized white t-shirt to his light blue jeans and his basic black shoes. The perfect guy for a romance movie.

-How long are you planning on staring at me?

-I wasn't staring!

-I believe you, I believe you! he chuckled

I just look at my converse until the end of the ride while he's simply looking at the window, his headphones back on his head. I'm almost convinced I'm hearing the percussion of "smells like teens spirit" By Nirvana through his headphones. At least he has good music taste.
The bus stops in front of my school and I get off in a hurry before the others students and join Claire who's waiting for me, like every other day, next to "our tree". We engraved our initials in it with our compasses and the rest of the group did the same.

-Hey! Woah clearly you didn't slept well...
I notice as I walk up to her

-You can't tell me anything since you don't look any better

-I even put makeup up this morning for once...

-Really? You look like a zombie, girl.

-Thank you, it's very nice of you

-Yeah sure... Come on, the bell's ringing soon

We walk in and join our other friends next to a bench, we're used to enter the school by the back. We're not the only one to know this entrance but it gives us time apart from everyone else, expect for some mornings when there's the smokers. I like this place, well as long as I'm with my friends I don't mind.

-Hi! Navier waves at me

-Hey what's up?

-I'm a little bit tired but I'm fine... What 'bout you? You look...

-Like a corpse, I know, she made sure I was aware of it, I say staring at Claire

The girl in question has a big smile on her face, which reminds me of the joker for a second.

-You didn't wait for me! sophie scream in my back

-Sorry Sophie, Claire really needed to go to the bathroom... I answer

-Hey! claire yells back, It's not true!

As the bell rings, Arouen, Maxime and Chris arrive.

We're heading to our class, which is on the second floor of the first building, and walk past Oliver and her best friend Lime-there isn't only his headphones that never leaves him- what surprise me thought is the other students with him. I've never met him but I still feel like I know him from somewhere. I don't have time to think of a new student. I have English right now so I hurry up and walk into the class after my friends. 2minutes in and my mind's already somewhere else, I'm still thinking of that guy back in the hallway. He really looks familiar. I'm starting to have a headache because of how much I'm overthinking, and the small amount of sleep I got last night is not helping. I stop thinking and start to focus on the lesson.