Damian seems more relaxed na, his eyes free of any worry. Just because I assured him na I want him again..?
I can't shake the guilt. How can he trust me so easily after I lied to him before? Is he really that naive, or does he... love me still?
"Okay, just to make this clear," I turned away, too hard na harapin siya. The thought of deserving him is too overwhelming. "You're not actually considering my father's offer, are you?"
"I don't know. The scholarship and financial support sound pretty tempting."
"Wait, really?" I turned to face him, only to catch him grinning from ear to ear. Asshole.
I grabbed the nearest throw pillow and binato 'yon sa kaniya, making him pump his brows. "Your family is richer than mine," Saad ko.
"We are? Don't know what you're talking about."
"Jerk."
We exchanged smiles, trying to hold back from laughing as we locked eyes. I missed this. Him.
"But.. when did you come out to your father, Raizen? Why does he know me as someone like.. that? Why did he offer me all those para layuan ka?"
That. It does suck that we don't have a term for us. I loved calling him my partner back then, but it was never official.
I bit my lower lip, trying to recall the day I came out to my dad. It's been over a year na rin, pero the memory is still so vivid na sana I could just bury it somewhere in my mind.
I sighed, "Do you remember the day you told me you love me?"
I saw how he stiffened but still nodded, "How could I not?" And that sounds like regret. "Noong sinabi ko sa 'yo 'yon, para akong may pinindot na button sa 'yo para ma-realize mo na 'di ako para sa future mo."
"Yes, the future that I don't want."
"Po-tei-to, po-tah-to. Same thing."
Alam kong he's being serious, but he's so cute that I can't help but be distracted. After months apart, akala ko I had moved on even a bit, pero it turns out na I'll always be drawn to him.
I watch him frown with a cute, small pout and eyes that can't meet mine directly.
"I'm sorry, I got scared." I sincerely apologized.
"Scared of what? That I'll ruin your perfect future?"
Umiling ako agad, "Scared of myself because I was ready to risk it all." And I think I almost did.
His eyes finally gazed up to meet mine, filled with shock as if he were piecing together the puzzle in his mind. "Anong sinasabi mo?"
"I'm sorry for not saying anything when you told me you love me. Because my first thought after hearing you say that was 'fuck everything else that isn't you', which was scary kasi.. I tried my best and hardest to be who I am now, and the thought of putting all those in vain scared the shit out of me."
"So your first instinct was to throw me away?"
"No," I shook my head, "I never cared about throwing everything in vain if it's for you anyway, no matter how terrifying that shit is."
I looked down as Damian slowly took my hand, caressed it with both of his, and gently squeezed it. "What did you do?" His voice sounded he'd breakdown instead of me.
"I came out to my dad," I smiled. "I told him I liked a man without mentioning any names, but for some reason, he just knows everything about me. He figured it was you."
