Still Breathing

Chapter 29: I'll never get over you getting over me

Bucky pov

Present day New Year's Eve 2022

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1 Happy New Year!!!

Nat and Sam release the confetti and balloons as everyone kiss and hug. a few women I vaguely know, kisses me on the cheek and pulls me into a side hug. I mange to escape the crowd and the hands of Sharons aunts as I stand off to the side, I watch my best friends kiss and celebrate the new year. Then I see John with a girl he just met 15 minutes before the countdown. The way they are hanging on each other, you would've thought they've been together for years and deeply in love.

I feel a hand tap me on the shoulder and I turn to see Lamar watching John. He has a sad look in his eye as he smiles at me and shakes his head. it's something we don't talk about, but we all know Lamar is in love with John. We all know and see it except john.

I stand with Lamar for awhile before he is dragged off by john.

I walk out onto the balcony and inhale the cold air. For one second, I let my mind wander. Is she having a happy new year? Is she thinking about me? is she ok?"

I shiver and I hear the sliding door open. I turn to see Nat. she smiles and hands me a drink. I shake my head and say, "I'm trying to stop."

She sides eyes me and says, "I'm proud of you."

I chuckle. "Your easily impressed tonight. how much did you drink?"

She leans her back against the railing and say, "For you, I know this isn't easy. I miss her too."

I sigh and after a few minutes I ask, "do you mind if I skip out..."

She cuts me off, "yea of course." She takes my hand and says, "I'm glad you came."

I smile as I squeeze her hand, and I guide her back inside. I say happy new year to everyone and good night. 15 minutes later, I don't know how or why, but I'm parked outside her penthouse. I swallow the lump in my throat and sigh loudly. I know she no longer lives here. Steve told me they moved an hour out the city. I didn't ask where. It's for nights like this. if I knew where she was, I have no doubt I would drive out to see her.

I sit here until 1:30am. my phone dings and I see a few picture messages from Nat and sam. Selfies of everyone. Party still going. I smile and I turn the car on, and I drive to my new loft apartment.

Its smaller than my previous apartment, but really, I just needed a change.

When arrive home, I walk over to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water and sit on the couch next to a box marked M.S. I open it and I reluctantly peek inside. I've been meaning to throw these things out since I moved 2 months ago.

I pick up an old t-shirt that stop smelling like her years ago. I look at the faded picture on the front for a few minutes before I roll it up and place it back in the box. Then I pick up the velvet box with the engagement ring. I open it and look at it remembering that night a long time ago.

A few tears escape and I wipe them away.

I get up and I take the ring and place it in my pocket, I pick up the box and place it by the trashcan by the front door for the maid to throw it in the morning. I grab my water, turn off the lights downstairs and head up to bed.

***

I adjust the napkin on my lap for the 3rd time as I wait for her to arrive. I run my hand through my hair and then through my beard. I adjust my tie and try to stop fidget.

I look up when I hear, "well, don't you look handsome?"

I smile as I stand to greet Eve. I reach over and take her hand and kiss her cheek. "Please sit. Thank you for meeting with me."