I'm at the beach.
I hear the water.. how it moves against the stones.
I see the sun, how it seems to be ready to set; ready to let her light form into different colours and different shades of red.
It seems so beautiful.
I'm walking along the sea.
There's a small breeze, playing with my, now dried and salty, hair.
I squeeze my green-brown eyes because of the beautiful sunlight I'm looking at.
I forget the people around me and only hear the soft music playing behind me and my footsteps I'm taking while walking.
Everything seems so perfect at the moment.
Suddenly i feel my heart hurt. In my head there is now an image of someones face. Memories, emotions and everything comes up again.
I massage my chest lightly to release the pain. I shut my eyes.
"Don't think about it Drea" , I say to myself.
When I open my eyes again, the sun is a little lower and the sky is colorful. I look down at my wrist. There they are: my scars.
I gently rub over my arm. I cover my scars and start walking again. I take myself time to walk home. I wanna enjoy the nature and just be alone.
I unlock the door and walk in my house. My parents aren't home often so I'm on my own. As I walk into the kitchen, I look at a hidden photo, wich is behind two family photos. I always take it and look at it when i walk in here. It's a photo of my bestfriend. -My bestfriend and me -.He was a little younger than me but I liked him.. no. I LOVED him.
I turn my face and walk to the fridge. I take out the milk and get cereals. I look on my phone screen: 7PM I unlock my phone and start the song Drag Me Down. I love this song. I turn off my phone again and finish my cereals. Now there's only milk in my bowl so I sip it out.
In my room, I sit on my bed wich is infront of the window. I FINALLY have a bed-window-seat. This is the first time I decorated my room. There's now my table and my little drawer, wich are both white. My wll decorated they way I wanted it. I bought somw cute fluffy pillows. And my new chair too of course. And there's this cubboard wich was here when we bought this house already.
My phone buzzes and lights up.
IMessage:
Mum: i'm gonna be late. Dad also has to stay bit longer.
I unlock my phone and quickly text an 'Okay' back.
My eyes find my drawer. I always loved to draw and i changed the type of drawing allot.. so now i'm into quotes with lovely backround to the quotes. I decide to take all the drawings from through the years out and look at them.
One of them is a braid. A braid of hair with a few flowers in it. The hair was blue and the flowers well-drawn.
Then there is one.. i remember i drew it, after me and my bestfriend hung out for the first time. It is him on the picture, drawn with a pencil: soft hair, shiny eyes, lovely smile.
My heart beginns to ache. Memories and picture are flashing in my brain.
I put the drawing, I did of him aside and continue going through the pictures; loads of girls with different styles, sunsets drawn with watercolor, love couples, the quotes and so on.
The reason why I love drawing is bc I can express my feelings. I don't feel good at all. I have allot going on.
I felt so good once. I cant remember when and how it started i didn't accept myself anymore. It's like YES there really was a time I was happy and everything was good. But Somehow it changed and I don't even know what it was making me hating on myself and being that broken. And with every quote I'm describing something, I feel deep inside of my heart. Every quote is an expression how i'm feeling at the moment. Even the font explains something better.
So there they are: My quotes.
Lovely and cute quotes of movies and books. But there's also the other side; the sad and depression quotes.
⁉️
"HELLOOO!" , my mom said with a happy but still a little exhausting voice. I put all the papersheets back into the drawer without looking at the last ones.
"Hi mum, Hi dad.", i greet them as i go down the stairs.
My scars covered, my fake smile back on and the thoughts thrown away. Basic.
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After I helped cooking dinner and washed the dishes, I went up to my room again.
This pain is just a phase.
An encouraging quote. It landed right on my wall. Yes, my mom asked why I wrote this. But I just answered with "If bad times are comming, this will just give me a little power".
Sometimes it's very hard for me to keep smiling, when I'm about to cry.. shout.. scream everything out. But my parents and nobody else knows about what i'm going through. And they think everythings fine and stuff. So i want them to think that way and not changing anything with telling them after about 7 years.. (I dont know maybe 8 or 9 years.. nobody cares). That's why I dont want and can't tell them.
