TWENTY AND FOREVER

Fading Hopes

After that coffee date with Emily, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There was something magical in the way she smiled, the sound of her laughter, the way she looked at me like I was the only person in the room. I felt like something special was beginning between us, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The moment I got home, I grabbed my phone and texted her, unable to wait for our next meeting.

My Message:

"Hey Emily, today was amazing. Would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow? There’s a nice spot near campus I think you’ll love. Let me know if you’re free!"

I waited anxiously, watching the screen like it held the key to my happiness. When her reply finally came, my heart skipped a beat.

Emily’s Reply:

"Hi Beny! I had a great time too. Lunch sounds perfect. Let’s meet at the school gate around noon. Can’t wait!"

The next day, I arrived at the school gate early, anticipation building with every passing minute. I was so sure this was it—the start of something beautiful. I imagined us laughing, talking, getting to know each other more deeply. I was ready to pour my heart out, to tell her how much she had come to mean to me in such a short time.

But then, as I stood there waiting, I saw her. Emily, with that radiant smile that had been playing on repeat in my mind since our date. But she wasn’t alone. There was a guy with her, tall and well-dressed, his arm casually resting on the gate as they talked. They looked so comfortable, so familiar with each other.

Suddenly, everything inside me froze. Who was this guy? And why did they look so perfect together? I watched as she laughed at something he said, her eyes sparkling in a way that twisted my heart. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the ground was slipping away from under me.

I didn’t know who he was, but the way they stood so close, the way she smiled at him—it was like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t help but think I had misunderstood everything. Maybe I was just another guy in her life, someone she was kind to, but nothing more. I felt like a fool, standing there with my heart in my hands, ready to offer it to someone who might already belong to someone else.

The thought of walking up to her, of interrupting their moment, felt impossible. What if I was wrong? What if she turned to me and confirmed my worst fears—that I was just a friend, someone she enjoyed spending time with but nothing more? The thought of hearing those words, of seeing that look of pity or regret in her eyes, was more than I could bear.

So, I did the only thing I could think of. I turned around and walked away, each step pulling me further from the happiness I had imagined. My chest felt tight, my heart heavy with a mix of regret and bitterness. By the time I got home, I was a mess of doubt and heartbreak.

Days passed, and I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to her. I avoided the places where I might run into her, buried myself in my studies, and tried to convince myself that I was better off. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the image of her with that guy at the school gate. It haunted me, a constant reminder of what I had lost—or maybe, what I had never really had.

In the quiet moments, when I was alone with my thoughts, I’d replay that scene over and over. The questions gnawed at me, questions that would never have answers. What if I had stayed? What if I had trusted my feelings and gone to her instead of running away?

But it was too late for that. All I was left with was the ache of missed opportunities and the bitter taste of what might have been.

As the days passed, I tried to push thoughts of Emily out of my mind, but they lingered like a shadow I couldn’t shake. My phone buzzed several times, but I couldn’t bring myself to check the messages. I was too afraid it might be from her—afraid of what she might say, afraid of what she wouldn’t say.

But then, late one night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, my phone buzzed again. This time, I couldn’t ignore it. My heart pounded as I picked up the phone and saw her name on the screen. My hands trembled slightly as I opened the message.

Emily’s Message:

"Beny, why didn’t you come to the gate? I waited for you... I thought we were going to have lunch together. Is everything okay?"

Her words hit me like a wave. She had waited for me. She had wondered why I wasn’t there. My chest tightened with a mix of emotions—relief, guilt, confusion. What was I supposed to say? That I had seen her with another guy and had jumped to conclusions? That I had let my insecurities get the best of me?

I stared at her message, the words blurring as I struggled with what to do next. I wanted to tell her everything, to explain how I felt, but the fear of hearing her confirm my worst fears held me back. I couldn’t bear the thought of putting myself out there only to be rejected.

So instead, I did nothing. I left her message unanswered, my heart heavy with regret. The image of Emily standing at the gate, looking around for me, wondering why I hadn’t shown up, played over and over in my mind. It was a pain I couldn’t escape, a wound that festered with every passing moment of silence.

The next morning, I tried to convince myself that everything would go back to normal. I’d get through the day like I always did, burying myself in studies and routine, trying to forget the ache in my chest. But as I walked towards the school gate, something caught my eye, freezing me in my tracks.

There she was—Emily, radiant as always, her laughter carrying on the morning breeze. But she wasn’t alone. The same guy from before was with her, walking side by side, their steps perfectly in sync. They seemed lost in conversation, comfortable, like they had known each other for years.

I felt a sharp pang in my chest, more intense than the day before. Seeing them together, so close, so at ease, twisted the knife that had already lodged itself in my heart. My worst fears seemed to be confirmed. It wasn’t just a one-time thing; they were together again, and this time, there was no mistaking the closeness between them.

As they neared the gate, the guy said something that made Emily laugh—a laugh that used to fill me with warmth, now only left me cold. She looked up at him with those bright, sparkling eyes that had captivated me from the start, and I couldn’t help but think that she must have looked at him that way countless times before.

It was clear in that moment, or so I believed, that he was more than just a friend. He must have been her boyfriend, the one who truly had her heart. I had been a fool to think there was something special between us.

My mind raced, a whirlwind of emotions—anger at myself for being so naive, sadness for what I had hoped would be, and jealousy towards the guy who seemed to have everything I wanted. I wanted to turn away, to escape before they saw me, but my legs felt rooted to the ground, as if the weight of my own thoughts had pinned me there.

As they approached the gate, I finally mustered the strength to move. I turned away quickly, avoiding any chance of them noticing me. My heart was heavy, my mind replaying the painful scene over and over.

I walked away, each step a reminder that what I had hoped for was slipping further out of reach. The future I had started to imagine with Emily was nothing more than a fleeting dream, shattered by the harsh reality that I was too late, or maybe had never really been in the running at all.