Our Little Lives, in this Big World

[INTRO:] Your world is Precious

In theory, there is always more to learn; one can always be better and do better. Then, there is always someone else who is better... The cycle is endless, so how are we ever satisfied? How are human beings satisfied in life?

This is something Boo Seungkwan has been wondering since he first realized what it meant to try your hardest at something, then fail.

It was in the third grade when this question first planted its seeds in his brain. His class was having their first Field Day and everyone competed against each other to make it in the top three rankings to receive a metal.

He was so close... so close...

After a long and rough day, several were tied for a spot in the top three, so the teachers decided it will be a race that shall determine the victors. Five kids went up to the starting line, hungry for their chance, while the rest of the class watched. There could only be one (well, three, technically).

When the teacher said "Go!", they took off. Poor Vernon was so close—just at the heels of the person who he was tied with that would secure him a spot at the top. Seungkwan was on the sidelines of the race as a "cheerleader" messing around with some of the other kids who didn't make it, or didn't feel like participating, in the tiebreaker race. Yes, he and a few others were poking each other's belly buttons and making fart noises, but nonetheless, he still cheered and kept an eye on his brother, hoping he came out victorious.

Maybe if he took off just a fraction of a second earlier, or pushed himself just a little harder, he could have made it. But no one remembers or cares about fourth place. That includes Vernon as well.

Seungkwan wanted to stick his tongue out and call names at the asshole who allegedly "won" against his brother, but he also couldn't understand why Vernon didn't seem to care.

Vernon shrugs, "It's just a race." he said enthusiastically, and Seungkwan was flabbergasted.

Just a race...

It was about the drive and principal, or so Seungkwan thought in more eight year old terms. He was so close and Seungkwan could see how hard his brother was trying and how bad he wanted it, but never got it.

This spark of realization led to many and, after all these years, Seungkwan thinks he has found an answer. Or, at least, part of an answer...

It lies within these simple words: Fuck it.

Fuck it!

Fuck it and have fun, make the best of what you can and always do the best you can do! That is all that matters.

Yes, these simple words have the power to take so much stress off the average person, but it's a mantra harder to follow than it is to say. It is this eternal battle that Seungkwan has dedicated the better half of his teen years trying to fight for, and one he will carry with him into this next chapter of his life.

Growing up, Seungkwan had always known he and Vernon were adopted, but that did not matter. Yoon Jeonghan and Joshua Hong were the ones who had them in their hearts and raised them. He and Vernon were their own, and always will be. The unconditional love, care, support, and more were beyond enough for Seungkwan to understand the strong bond between him and his family. Nothing can take that away from him.

Nobody is perfect, everyone knows that, and no one needs to be. It is the flaws, peculiarities, quirks that make us individuals, and Boo Seungkwan has always felt he had plenty of those that add up to his personality.

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AUGUST 14, MONDAY, 12:13PM. TWO DAYS BEFORE A.U. MOVE-IN. / ONE WEEK BEFORE FIRST DAY OF THE SEMESTER.