Going the Distance

One.

I sat under a cascade of hot water pouring down on me, knees held up to my chest, wondering why I had let myself get this far. I knew I needed help long ago, yet I did nothing about it. And now here I was, sobbing to myself as my tears merged with the water from the shower falling down my red, puffy face. How was it possible to feel this unhappy? How was it possible for unhappiness to feel this painful?

After my pitiful excuse of a shower--and once I'd got dried off--I climbed into bed with my laptop, not even having the energy to get dressed. If there was an award for laziness, I would be too lazy to win. I loaded up Facebook and scrolled through the statuses of my friends, wishing I could be like them. They were out tonight at the cinema, and had uploaded photos plastered with bright smiles and joy-filled eyes. Although I was happy for them--I truly was--I had to log off, ignoring the impending red "3" of doom over my messages. I couldn't handle talking to them right now, interrogating me as to why I didn't show up.

Without thinking, I loaded up my favourite chat room. I'd been using it for a while as an escape from reality. I could be anyone I wanted to be; I could act and say whatever I wanted without anyone knowing who I was. One day I could joke around and act fun; the next I could completely open up to a stranger who could be there for me, but I wouldn't have to worry because they would never know who I was and I most likely wouldn't speak to them again. I loved it.

I had tried talking to my best friend Olivia about it, but she told me I was "crazy for dabbling with naked peadophiles who constantly jerked off to kids shows". So for now it was my little secret, which in a way made me feel more comfortable about it. It's a perfect escape.

jellyellie: suuup guys? :)

xxlucy98xx: Hi :D x

Danger_one: hey

mrsoreo_x: hey! welcome to the chat :D

jellyellie: thanks! how are you all?

After a lot of small talk, I started feeling better already. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that this wasn't the best way to address my problems but it was a quick fix, and with a smile on my face I decided I would have a good night, despite having been crying my heart out just under half an hour ago.

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I sneaked quietly back into my bedroom, making a desperate attempt to shut the door as silently as possible--something that was extremely difficult considering one of my arms held a huge cup of chocolate milk, the other balancing a plate of tuna sandwiches, and a bag of toffee popcorn held between my teeth. Don't judge me--I'm a greedy rascal.

I carefully balanced my goods on my bedside table before removing my dressing gown and plonking myself down in my bed again. I took a huge gulp of the chocolate milk, followed by a sigh of enjoyment. Nothing beats a refreshing glass of chilled chocolate deliciousness.

jellyellie: back guys! armed with a mountain of food >:)

mrsoreo_x: jealous! share.

xxlucy98xx: wb :P

jellyellie: all mine, sorry. actually, not THAT sorry ;)

Danger_one: lmao! meanie :P

xxlucy98xx: :O

yournextobsession: well, that's quite rude, ellie.

I was suddenly taken aback; I hadn't realised anyone else had joined our small conversation. We had been talking for over an hour now, and no one else had joined. Plus, this guy seemed far too serious.

jellyellie: i'm a rude person ;)

yournextobsession: in what way ;)

jellyellie: wouldn't you like to know :P

yournextobsession: yes? that's why i asked. were you dropped as a baby?

I flinched. I knew he was joking, but I had quite a violent childhood and it always amazed me how casual people were about making humor out of traumatic events of others.

xxlucy98xx: haha

Danger_one: burn ;)

I decided to watch some YouTube videos (mostly cats being trolls) whilst I ate my abundance of food, and left them to talk among themselves. I didn't want anything to kill my buzz tonight. I noticed a light out the corner of my eye and saw a text from Olivia. I didn't even bother reading it.

About 20 minutes later I returned to the chat tab and realised that I had timed out. I couldn't read the messages in the main cat but noticed that I had a private message.

yournextobsession: you there?

yournextobsession: helloooooo

yournextobsession: it's fine, i planned to be ignored tonight anyway.

yournextobsession: well if you do return, send me a text on ********** :)

yournextobsession: i promise i'm not a crazy peadophile (although that's exactly what a crazy peadophile would say)

yournextobsession: i'm also aware we've said about two sentences to each other but i didn't think you'd be disappearing on me now!

yournextobsession: okay i'm not just talking to myself... text me jellytot!

Seriously? He had completely spammed me and I didn't even know him. What a weirdo, I thought to myself. That didn't stop me from saving his number in my phone (under weirdo) anyway, resulting in my reading Olivia's text.

Liv<3: Where were you tonight? You were missed babe. Mike ACTUALLY managed to choke on popcorn for about 20 minutes before Dan attempted to do that heimlick thingy and ended up with both of them falling onto an old couple! Was hilarious! Missed half the film though. I'll stop by yours in the morning before school. Love you! xxxxxxxxxxxx

I laughed at the text, but then started feeling sad. I should have just gone. I would have had so much fun, and I was missing creating memories with m best friends. I'm such an idiot. I always seem to forget and under-appreciate what I actually have and how unlucky I am. And what am I doing, wasting my life crying locked in my room? Tears started to form in my eyes, so I did something that I knew I would probably forget. I sent a text.

> what's up weirdo?

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I know this is short, but it's just an introduction. This is my first story on Wattpad, so I would appreciate any feedback and support :) I will be updating this as much as possible and as frequently as I can. Hope you enjoy :D

- Steph x