Hard Contact

PART 1: Jamie

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Today my name is Logan.

Today I'm an 18 year old male hockey player born and raised in Camden, Maine. 

Today I'm a child of divorced parents, whose mom is always working, whose dad isn't around anymore, who just drove three hours from my small home (that my mom has a lease on, and I'm definitely not squatting there) and today I'm moving into my dorm.

Yesterday I was Mateo White, a few months before I was Oliver, and before Oliver I was Liam. 

But today I'm Logan and I can't afford to be anyone else.

I wouldn't have chosen this path, I never saw college in my future, or playing hockey for such a prestigious athletic school, but when I saw him, no matter how much I knew it was a bad idea to say yes, that was the only word that could come out of my mouth. 

Jamison, Jamie, Baker. He was from a few names back, right after Vic left and I moved from Washington. I still remember his face after all these years, he was the first person I cared about after Vic. The only person. 

I must still have a soft spot for him because when he showed up at my high school in Camden two months ago and asked if I had plans for college, asked if I had considered playing with him and the Blizzard Hawks over at MAIM, I moved my mouth to refuse, knowing I had been Mateo for too long and in Camden for too long, that it was time to move on and reinvent myself again, the word that came out was 'yes'.  

Massachusetts Institute of Athletic Minds, better known as MIAM was every East Coast athlete's dream. Except one. 

Playing for the Blizzard Hawks is like being interrogated by the CIA, bag over you're head, spotlight on you, people asking you the most personal questions and being relentless about the lengths they'll go to in order to get information. The Blizzard Hawks had become quite the spectacle, especially since Gabriel Perkins, a 38 years old retired ice hockey player, took over the team. The former Blizzard Hawks were led by a ruthless man, the team was violent and cruel, and they got red-carded at least once a game. But when the team lost in the qualifiers for the semi-finals, the former coach got so pissed that he quit and apparently hit a few of the players. That's when Perkins' was hired. He had a very different approach, he believed in lost causes and safe spaces and all that mumbo-jubmo shit. So he started recruiting any lost cause he could; criminals, trouble-makers, drug addicts, alcoholics, train wrecks, misfits, phycho and scio paths, basically the criminals and crazies. It went awful. The first few years there was a lot of fighting and violence between Perkins' misfits and the aggressive upperclassmen, but eventually things cooled down.

Which brings me back here, turning into a big entrance with a big white and red "welcome!" sign. "Logan's mom" bought him a car, so that's what I'm driving to college today, I actually bought it a year ago from this shady guy in Boston, he practically gave it to me, seemed real happy to be rid of it. I never questioned him about it though, I'd rather not know what that large stain in the trunk is from. 

The campus wasn't too busy, a couple other athletes getting there early, I found a spot pretty easily. I grabbed my duffel bag, my suitcase, the box of "Logan's things" (that I bought a week ago to humanize him a little more) and started towards the athlete's dorm building. 

The whole Blizzard Hawks team lived on the fifth floor, and as soon as I stepped off of the elevator, I was greeted by a group of guys in the common room playing some sort of racing video game. They paused the game when they saw me, and of course, Jamie was there.

Jamie - Logan! Welcome, did you find this place alright?

Logan - Yeah.

Man 1 - You a new recruit?

Logan - Yeah.

Man 1 - Is that all you say?

Logan - Yeah.

The man rolled his eyes, and the other two seemed to like me just as little as he did. Well, this year' going to be fun.

Logan - Guys this is Logan, Logan this is Reed, Seb, and that's Ro.

He said gesturing to the man who I'd been speaking to before.

Logan - Cool.

Seb - You need help with the rest of your stuff?

Logan - Nope. This is it.

Ro - Right. Hey, what's your deal?

Logan - I pack light.

Ro - Nah, nah, I mean what fucked you up enough to get you recruited here?

Logan - Drugs.

Ro - No, I don't think so. Cause you see, Reed here is a drug addict, and you don't give off that same train wreck energy.

Reed - Recovering. But he has a point, you don't seem like an addict.

Logan - Cool. 

I turn away from the group and start my way down the hall to  my dorm room, ignoring their calls to come back and answer their questions.

I unlock the door and push it open, it's empty, but someone's stuff is already here. He took the right side of the room, which leaves me with the left. The bed looks shittier and he has some of his shit draped over furniture on my side of the room. Asshole. 

I start to unpack and my mind drifts to the earlier conversation. Jamie wasn't always this cheerful. In fact, when I knew him, he was borderline depressed. I know he doesn't remember me, I wore glasses back then, and my hair was dyed a dirty blonde, which made my skin look lighter. But seeing him smile at me brought me back to my first kiss. When I took a chance, when I grabbed his jaw and planted a kiss on his lips. It brought me back to him smiling at me and leaning in to kiss me back. To us fucking in his bedroom. To waking up in the morning wrapped around him. It brought me back to him teaching me how to play hockey. I was only Christopher for a few months, I was only with him for an even shorter amount of time, but he changed my life. And I like to think I changed his.

I smile as I finish unpacking my last item, a family photo that I place on my nightstand, a family that isn't mine, hugging a kid that isn't me. And just like that, my smile drops, and the lonely feeling sets in once again.

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See you next chapter!!!

Words: 1108