3 Friends & 3 Crushes

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞]: 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

Oh, how I wish, I never had this heart of mine...

How I wish my senses would simply forget their precence...

..That my heart would never ache for their attention, never get caught in the line of fire that we call jealousy...

...Especially when that fire is directed towards a friend...

.....Or maybe three...

...

Maybe I should start from the beginning instead...

Everyone has a crush once in while, it can change the more you grow up, but that also means you most likely loose interest in the person you once had your eyes out for.

With me...

I've... Never... Actually had a crush on anyone in my life...

At least not until recently this year...

I.. Just.. Didn't have my eyes out for anyone in my youngest years...

Or well...

...No one in my life was really my type..

Not even celebrities could catch my attention...

So you can imagine the surprise when I, in this year, got three crushes at a time, with almost no time in between...

I...

I guess I... Shouldn't be as surprised as I am...

It was bound to happen at some point after all..

...But still...

Everything is just...

So...

...heavy...

..on my heart...

...I don't even know what to do anymore...

The jealousy...

The constant need for their attention...

The need for their touch...

The pull of their dreamy voice...

The aching of my heart...

The absolute obsession...

The desire that burns in my chest as if it's a raging fire that just doesn't burn out...

It's so... so... unbearable...

...But what makes it so much worse...

Is that.. It isn't just a singular person that my heart burns for...

....It's... three... damn... people...

I can't believe I'm even here... Talking about my messy, non existent, love life... One I know will never work out in my favor...

..But I want anyone.. who's listening to this.. to know about the dangers..

That multiple crushes can lead to...

I can barely even recognize myself anymore...

...So I'm hoping...

..that my voice, my pain, my suffering..

..won't fall upon deaf ears... that you will listen to me... and that you will avoid doing what I did.....

The self control I once had...

...Was lost in the midst of this year...

Lost amongst every stupid decision I made...

....lost in the midst of the many great friends I let go in a moment of anger....

So....

Let's start from point one...

Where this whole mess started...

..The place where I got my first crush...

A week long summer school..