can't vacation from the bonfire in my mind

can't put out the bonfire in my mind

From above the clouds I try and make out shapes of land and country
Music playing in my ears
Silent crackling of fire in my brain

Flying to a brand new destination
Never knowing what lies ahead
But I do know what lies ahead
Crawling back thoughts of me dead

I leave rollers in my hair praying for the curls to come out nice
But everything I touch turns to stone
I can't put out the bonfire in my mind

Floating in the turquoise water
Soaking up all the sun rays
Knowing my flesh will reveal red by end of day

The cuts on my wrists became scars
That's a good thing right
But now the voices keep me up at night

This holiday is beautiful I love the sun
But my body is this bikini makes my stomach turn
My washed out pink hair looks dumb
I'm not having fun

I'm starting to stare at my food knowing after this holiday I won't eat anymore
Work out too loose this weight I gained
Before school I will have my body trained

Attention I crave but when I get it I don't behave
Discriminating thoughts burning desire
My watering tears won't erase the fire

Someone spoke about my body again
Now poison darts are at my throat
Covering my stomach on the sailing boat

Wherever I go I can't just be me
Because I hate me
So I can't truly be happy
I won't ever be able to put out this bomb fire

Committing treason will now have to be my crime
Cause my body should be in flames now all the time