Forever more

   Everyone's eyes and noses were pinned against the window of the flight deck quarters. A new world was opened before us, after 9 years of following the coordinates. A suicide mission, they called it. Now 300 best scientists and engineers gazed upon the purple waves of Agea 5456, the ocean planet. Our journey was at its end. People around me cheered and laughed. Most of them couldn't even pull themselves back from the window, still looking down in disbelief. We found it. We made it. We have discovered a new hope for life, when mine seemed to be at its end.

I looked down at all that water that promised both scientific achievement and an adventure, and all I could think about was what happened just a few moments ago, before we were called to the deck to be shown our soon - to - be home. I could barely stand, pressing myself against the window, using the moment of euphoria around me not to look weird as I squeeze my face to stop the tears.

- We need to talk. - he startled me.

- Get away from me.

I walked away to the other side of the flight deck, but he followed me.

- Can't we, please, talk?

- I told you to leave me alone! - I said louder than intended, but no one paid attention. Who were we compared to Agea 5456?

- Monika.

- I told you to get away from me!

- Not until you talk to me.

- What is there to talk about, Vit!? - now several heads turned towards us in curiosity. - Look at all these people around us! Our colleagues! All of them taken, married, ready to start this new life! And me? I left the world I'll never be able to return to, only for you to... to...

She couldn't have picked the better moment to appear before my eyes and stop me from making a scene. All zipped up and hair picked tidily, like nothing had happened. Staring at me from the crowd with a mixture of guilt and pride. I marched out of the deck room, brushing against her shoulder with mine.

It was difficult to breathe. I walked through the hallways of the deck like a drunk woman, clutching my chest. It is amazing how a sudden catastrophe can pull you from a day under the sun, down into the cold abyss, filling your lungs with water until you can't breathe. Until you don't want to breathe. ''My god...'' rolled over my lips, as I leaned against a wall and sank down on the floor.

- Monika! - someone called.

But it was getting too dark. My eyes were shutting down. I could feel them picking me up and someone shouting: ''We need a medic here! Where's Nora!?''

The bliss of ignorance and oblivion followed. I was the air that fills the darkness, belonging to no one. Back to my primal form: a soul without body, without the need, without fear. Unbroken. Whole and complete. Then the light flashed against me. I didn't want to leave the nothingness. Like jaws of life, it tore me once again back into the world and consciousness. And as the doctor and people around me rejoiced, I burst into tears. Dion sat next to me, asking things I couldn't even hear. Probably wanting to know what happened, as I was falling apart before my best friend's eyes. ''I want to die, I want to die...'', I sobbed over and over again.