Things I Wrote For No Particular Reason

|| Silenced ||

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I walk home every day, always taking the same route. 

Every day I hope that, even if just for a heartbeat-long moment, I can see your beautiful face, just long enough to wonder if it was really you who was there that day.

But at the same time, I can't stand the sight of you anymore.

I hate that I loved you, and even more, I despise that I hate you.

Was it really ever your fault, when you had no idea what he was capable of and willing to do?

You chose him, for reasons I'll never know and will never have interest in knowing.

But at the same time, I could never blame you.

He's so much more handsome than I could ever be, and he was everything I never was.

I remember the day you stood with him, looking infinitely more than horrified as he took from me the two things I loved most.

But you had made your choice, and you made that same choice again when you decided to leave me alone after he did something so horrible that it could never be described without being an understatement.

I heard you broke up with him that same night, but it was too late.

He took the two things I thought nobody ever could.

Not only did he take away my love for you, but that day he took away my music.

I would rather have been killed by the cool blade that made swift, sharp contact with my throat. 

Instead of being forced into eternal darkness, I'm forced into eternal silence.

That silence deafens me. I wish I could break it, but I can't.

He knew exactly what he was doing as he sliced that knife across my once beautifully untouched skin.

I couldn't even cry for help. My voice was gone, drained with the blood that rushed down my chest.

Somehow, I kept my conscience just long enough to text someone for help.

Sometimes I regret doing that, maybe it would have been better if I hadn't.

I don't remember being rushed to the hospital, I must have passed out before then.

But I remember waking up and wondering why I was there.

And I remember remembering.

I remember sobbing silently, then even harder as I realized no noise was leaving my throat.

I just cried harder and harder, as if I was trying to make something, anything come from my vocal cords, which were slashed violently.

But nothing was heard over my heavy breathing and devastated sniffling.

And even though it was all his fault, a small and empty pit in my chest held nothing but anger towards you, who didn't even try to stop him.

I hate myself for ever blaming you, who was afraid and frozen in the moment.

But even more, I hate myself for having ever loved you, who never loved me anyways.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Umm... hey guys!

So at least I didn't kill someone this time...?

Was this too repetitive?

I forgot to mention the characters' names 😭

The main POV is Hongjoong, the one he used to love is Seonghwa, and the one who made Hongjoong mute was Wooyoung. Please don't hate me guys 😭