"Why can't we just be friends?" It makes me sick to the core hearing that from his mouth, what a foul thing to say to someone you've shown an obvious hatred for over the span of 10 whole years. I've come to realize what I am, what he is and what he is to me. I've come down to one conclusion, us as a joined force will always be the most powerful thing in existence, but working with him makes my stomach turn in all ways possible.
We as one will always be so much more than with anyone else but there's no future between us, nothing but destruction and a horrible feeling of regret with each time we win. I won't ever give in to the feeling. No matter how unstoppable we are, there will never be an 'us' that isn't the end of the world.
And I hope you learn the weight of you ever giving a single shit about me.
"Don't you dare say something like that to me, you know it's not that easy. You started it all but you're no hero, you can't ever fix this." I wanted this conversation to be over the minute it started, as soon as I heard the words I wanted to kill it fast and watch it die. "I have so much to give. I just want you to see me." Holy hell I see you. So much it makes me want to fall in love. But you started it all, you'll regret it forever and till the day I die, till the breath that'll take my life I'll never give in.
The day we met was the day I died.
This feeling is what shakes me down to my core, you're my favorite explosion of all my being, all my feelings, everything. But you're still who you were years ago, and I did all I could to lay my past self down to rest forever.
I killed my past self and prayed someone was telling me not to get back up.
But there you were. Willing to throw your heart away, but we could never be. I can't love you the way you love me and you can't love me the way I love you. Our definitions of love are complete opposites, one of us is bound to lose it all and you don't have a backup plan. Don't expect me to understand . I hope you're satisfied when you realize all you have is not enough. (song ref)
"I'm tired of holding up for you." I have no choice but to leave him here to sulk in his own thoughts. I know he can feel my words, and I want to use that against him as much as possible. I shouldn't have ever loved you, but I'll never stop because you loved me. I can be as bitter as the medication you have to chew.
And I hope you hate what it tastes like.
"You better pick yourself up and leave, if you stay here your night will be ruined. I'm not taking you home."
"You're all I have." And I hope you're satisfied now you know all you have is not enough.
Today is your birthday, I'd buy you flowers but I'd just end up jealous of the way you would cherish them. I hate you and until that day I'll answer your calls. I'll listen to you cry and tell me about how fucked up it is. How you hate me, but I was there till beginning to end.
"I woke up sick this morning." I like it better when you're cold, always on edge. I don't want you to be fond of me. It was never like you to please anyone. I hate everything that has to do with you, but we're always going to be associated with each other. It's fate.
It's a bitch trying to convince people to like you.
I just want to bring you home, you've been out here forever and you're cold to the touch but you don't ever wanna leave. You don't get to decide. I'll never let you freeze without me. Your lips are numb and you won't stop staring at me, that kiss tasted like the warm alcohol we shared. "I love you." We're not in love. Don't ruin this.
I'll ask myself over and over why I do this. I left you lying on the ground after you fought for me. I would never bring you home with me, I'd rather be dead. You protected me after I stole from you, don't ruin it. The perfect thing. Don't make me think twice, it hurts.
I did what I could, I made sure you never heard it in my voice, I never let you see it on my face. I could only ever dream of saving you.
That kiss felt cold, it was all over my tongue with no taste. I held you but you didn't feel a thing. You were nearly frozen, it was freezing outside but I was warm. And it makes me sick knowing you'll be the brightest star in the sky someday.
And I swear I did everything I could. I swear to god. I begged, I cried, I pleaded with everything in my heart but all I had wasn't enough. Every scar on your skin has a beauty that I could never explain in words.
"If we die at the same time does it still scare you?"
It's pointless, you keep trying to be better without changing who you are but you were always sick. That will always be a part of you, you were born sick. And the last thing I wanted to see was you gone too soon, still full of dreams you'll never fulfill.
Every time you'd get me sick I'd make it worse.
So now you're just standing there, you have a choice. "I'm leaving." And I would try to stop you, I would tell you I'll miss you but I simply just don't care.
But for a second I felt it. I felt what it was like to be afraid to lose someone again. "I'd rather leave than keep begging you to love me." And I started to feel a lump in my throat. "What about us?" I've pushed him as far as he could possibly go. "What about me?" Our hearts were made to be one.
And still, years after you left. I still feel it.
I still hear you. And I tried to cry about it, but my eyes just won't tear up. I wish you'd just leave me alone, you and all your memories. I don't even want to talk with you, my words just stop making sense.
But it doesn't matter to me, I simply just don't care.
Fuck you and your new lovers you selfish, selfcentered bitch. And when you realize that they aren't me, when you realize they'll never be enough I hope you're satisfied with yourself because that's all you'll have left.
It doesn't mean shit. But it's half of the fun.
The first time we met, before you knew who I really was or why I was even there. Before you knew what we'd get into, before you knew you'd never move on, my life wasn't any fun. I worked for what I had and if I hadn't met you I think everything would've been alright.
You know that nothing has changed, not even yourself. See all the women and men you want, you'll always be strangers. Stare at the ceiling knowing if I was there you'd roll over and smile. I won't ever forgive you, not even the day I'm handed your note. Not when I read your last words, not even when I'm writing mine.
Love will cost you more than just a heart.
Don't keep your pictures of me. And keep in mind you'll never fulfill what he's always wanted. What he'd begged you on his deathbed. I knew him well but I know you better, don't come home or even think about it. You're not welcome.
But you still turned up.
I love to hate you, and I really do. I hate you and your shitty alcohol addiction. But without you there is no me. Love dies like a dog, we'll let this one take care of itself.
I won't let you stay warm, I'll make you dream of the sun. My last moments with you won't ever be enjoyable, I never planned them to be. Though I kept a smile I think I would have lost myself seeing you smile. I hate you, yes, but I never stopped loving you no matter how hard I tried.
I'm satisfied with losing the perfect thing, I simply just don't care.
