The Chinese Dream on Earth

A Journey Home: Lessons in Resilience and Independence

During my first winter break from university, I saved up money by being frugal and bought many local specialties from Sichuan that weren't available back home, including several large pineapples. Before going to Chengdu, I had never eaten a pineapple. In Chengdu, pineapples were sold everywhere, just like candied hawthorns in my hometown. They were cut into slices, making them affordable and convenient. I wanted to bring this rare and delicious fruit home for my family to try. There were many tasty and cheap snacks in Chengdu, but unfortunately, most of them couldn't be taken home.

The journey back was a long one, spanning thousands of miles on a green train, and during the Spring Festival travel rush, there were rarely any seats available. Finding a place to stand on the train was difficult, and at times, I was squeezed so tightly that my feet were lifted off the ground. Carrying a heavy suitcase, my arms were almost numb. Even the train toilets were crowded, and the aisles were packed with people, making it nearly impossible to get to the bathroom. I had to minimize drinking and eating to hold out until the next transfer station. Several times, I considered taking out the pineapples to lighten the load, but the thought of my family tasting pineapples for the first time kept me going, and I gritted my teeth and carried them all the way home.

Studying far away from home, it's natural to feel homesick sometimes, especially when money is tight. Back then, most students didn't have mobile phones, and the wealthier ones had pagers. After my family paid off our debts in high school, we had some savings, bought a TV, and even installed a phone. In the girls' dormitory, there was a phone in the guard room on the first floor. If a parent called, the dorm manager would shout through a loudspeaker in Sichuan dialect to the upstairs: "Room 30X, student so-and-so, there's a phone call for you." Announcing phone calls was the dorm manager's busiest task each day. I often fantasized about hearing my name, but sometimes, when a name similar to mine was called, I got excited only to realize it wasn't me. In all four years of university, I never received a call from home. When I felt homesick, I could only use a public phone to call home, but long-distance charges were expensive, costing several yuan per call. Other than tuition and living expenses, which were sporadically wired to the school, I received around 100 yuan per month. When my living expenses were nearly gone, I had to muster the courage to call my parents and ask for more. Sometimes, if my parents were fighting or I said something to upset them, I would worry but could do nothing.

As summer vacation approached, my younger brother took his high school entrance exams at my old high school. After the exam, he and his classmates were chatting with the old man who guarded the school gate (the principal's father). The old man, in a good mood, told them a story about a student who had dramatically improved from being a poor student to getting into university. After the story, my brother asked the old man for the student's name. When the old man mentioned my name, my brother proudly said, "That student is my sister." He then shared the story with our parents, who rarely praised me, but this time they did. When my brother's exam results didn't meet the cutoff for high school, my mother thought my "miracle" might finally come in handy. She asked me to go to my old high school and see if I could use some money to get my brother admitted. Reluctantly, I went to speak with the vice principal. He said that while it was possible in previous years, the school had been upgraded to a key high school because several students from my year had gotten into universities, making admission more difficult. Seeing my worried expression, he felt a bit sympathetic and referred me to his colleague, the vice principal of another high school. With this introduction, the vice principal of the third school warmly welcomed me and agreed to admit my brother, even though he hadn't passed the cutoff, charging only the standard fee of 1,500 yuan and issuing an official receipt. When I tried to offer him a personal reward, he politely declined. And so, my brother smoothly entered high school. I'm not sure if it was due to the lax management of that era or if society has always been like this. After I got into university, my high school diploma was traded by my mother for two cartons of cigarettes without my knowledge. A neighbor, who was a teacher, knew his daughter had dropped out after middle school. Upon learning that I got into university, he convinced my mother to give my diploma to his daughter. By the time I found out, it was too late to object—the diploma was already someone else's. I have no idea how they managed it.

During the holidays, I wanted to avoid hearing my mother's repeated complaints about my father's irresponsibility and how she had to bear the burden for the family, my brother, and me. I had heard these grievances for over twenty years and knew them by heart. I didn't want to hear her constant lamentations and see her living in misery. At university, I read many books on family relationships and gained a more comprehensive understanding of marriage and family. So, I objectively remarked, "Marriage is a choice. You agreed to get married, and if you find the marriage was a mistake, you can choose to divorce rather than live in self-pity and misery every day. Everyone should be responsible for their own life and not blame others for their mistakes and pain. Compared to other parents, you haven't done much more; in fact, you've done less. Many of my classmates' parents provided them with a good life and education from childhood to adulthood, and they don't feel they deserve more credit than other parents." After hearing this, my mother called me an ungrateful child and said my university education was a waste, as if all the knowledge had gone to waste. She said that since going to university, I had grown too independent and cut off my living expenses.