Almost Everything

Special Chapter

Special Chapter

I never thought that I'd come to this moment where I didn't feel tired during work. Maghapong nakatayo, susuway ng mga pasaway na bata, at paulit-ulit na ipapaintindi ang leksyon sa kanila. I'm not complaining. Being a teacher was my dream. I enjoy teaching, most especially the feeling every time my students tell me that they love me and how I teach them; and that they learned a lot from me.

But of course, napapagod din ako. Nakakapagod talaga ang pagtuturo. May mga oras pa ngang tinatamad akong bumangon sa kama at gusto nalang yakapin ang anak ko ro'n maghapon.

"Mama!"

Agad akong lumingon nang marinig ang hinihintay ko.

Sabay na tumatakbo ang mga anak ko. Habang ang ama nila ay nakangising pinapanood sila. Lucas wearing his uniform (with stains of chocolate), and Callie in her tutu dress.

Naunang narating ng panganay ang kinatatayuan ko. Agad ko itong binuhat at inamoy.

"Ang fresh naman ng anak ko," birong sabi ko kahit limang metro palang ay amoy ko na ang pawis niya.

Naniwala pa yata dahil ngumisi siya.

Lucas is already in his 4th grade. He's consistent top 1 and I couldn't be more proud of him. Pero minsan ay hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala. May minsan kasing narinig ko itong kinakausap ang kapatid niya kahit hindi nito maintindihan. Sinabi niyang kahit nafru-frustrate na siya sa math ay hindi raw siya papayag na mababa ang grado niya at mapunta sa pangalawang pwesto. I also heard him say that he wants us to be proud of him.

That night, I talked to him.

"A glass of milk for Kuya."

Lumingon ito at agad na kinuha ang hawak kong baso.

"Thank you, Mama..."

Binaba niya ang baso sa study table niya at patuloy ang pagbabasa niya. I tried to peak of what he's reading... it was science.

"Don't you think it's already late, anak? You can continue that tomorrow. It's time to sleep." I gently told him, not wanting to distract him because he looked focused.

"After this, Mama," hindi lumingong sabi niya.

I sighed and sat on his bed. I roamed my eyes around his room. Nakita ko ang nakasabit na medals at certificates niya. May mga medals din siya sa sala. He was the one who told me to put those there. Pero kahit hindi niya 'yon sabihin, gagawin ko talaga 'yon. I'm proud of him. At his age, sumasali siya sa mga quiz bee. Magaling siya sa spelling at history. Sa science ay palagi siyang may inuuwing lapis o 'di kaya naman ay papel na siyang prizes kapag nasagot ang tanong ng guro o perfect ang quiz at exam. Sa grades nga niya ay science ang pinakamataas.

"Anak, can you please be on bed na?" Masuyong sabi ko.

Napakagat ako ng labi nang mapansing nagulat siya.

Lumingon ito sa akin.

"Mama? I thought... you already left."

I just smiled and tapped the bed. Napilitan siyang isara ang kuwaderno niya at nilagay sa bag. He sat beside me, still looking at his study table.

"I heard... you're having a hard time in mathematics?"

I watched his reaction. His eyes widened in shock. He raised his head to look at me... tila maiiyak pa siya.

"A-are you... disappointed?" he whispered.

Agad akong umiling at pinunasan ang pisngi niya.

"Never, Lucas. I'm always proud of you. You always made us proud, anak. But I don't want you to feel pressured. Ayokong isipin mong madi-disappoint kami ng Papa mo kapag may mababa kang marka. It's okay, baby. Hindi lang kita siunusuway, pero palagi kong nakikitang kahit late na, you're still studying."

"I'm s-sorry, Mama..." yumakap ito sa akin.

"Wala kang kasalanan, anak. Ako dapat ang nagso-sorry. I'm sorry that you felt that we're not proud of you. I'm sorry you felt pressured—"

"No, Mama! Palagi ko pong nararamdaman that you're proud! It's just... me... who wants to be on top. It was me who's pressuring... myself." Nakayuko nang sabi niya.

I held his hand and squeezed it gently.

"But still, tell us if you have a problem, anak. I don't want you to grow up not venting on us. Your Papa and I will be worried if you do that, hmm?"

He nodded. I stared at my son for a while and carried him.

"I'm heavy na, Mama," mahinang sabi nito.

"Not heavy enough, Lucas. I still can carry you." I said and danced him. I want him to sleep in my arms while dancing and humming. I miss doing this to my firstborn.

"I love you... Mama..." he said after minutes.

Nang maramdaman kong tulog na siya ay inihiga ko na sama kama niya. Inayos ko ang comforter at binuksan ang lamp sa bedside table nito. I kissed his forehead for seconds and caress his hair.

Lumingon ako sa pinto nang maalalang kanina pa nakatayo ang asawa ko ro'n. Ngumiti ako at nilapitan siya. I watched him closed the door gently before hugging me.

"I'll also talk to him tomorrow..." tumango ako sa sinabi niya.

Habang nasa biyahe pauwi ay nagku-kwento si Lucas ng mga ginawa nito sa eskwela sa kapatid niya. His sister is asking him the different colors of stars on his arms.

"Where do you want to spend Christmas, sweetie?" Tanong ni Luke nang makarating kami sa bahay.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tinitigan siya.

"Aren't you listening to me last night, Luke Isaac?"

Nanlaki ang mata niya at nakipagtitigan din sa akin.

"How could I remember it when all I can hear was your moan— what?" tanong niya nang tinignan ko siya ng masama.

"It's true! You're telling me your plans while we're making love!"

"Luke! Marinig ka ng mga anak ko!"

"Anak natin!"

Umirap ako at iniwan siya roon.

Siya naman ang may kasalanan. Ang ganda ng paguusap namin kagabi tapos bigla siyang...

Matapos kong patulugin si Callie ay sinilip ko naman ang kwarto ni Lucas. I felt relief when I saw him in deep sleep.

"Sweetie..."

Hindi ko siya pinansin at agad na pumasok sa banyo.

I did my night routine before joining him in bed.

"Are you mad, baby? I'm sorry. I was occupied and in heaven when you told me your plans. Let's talk about it again?" Bulong nito at mas inilapit pa ang sarili sa akin.

I know where this will be heading again. Napailing ako at hinarap siya. Fine. Hindi ko rin naman siya matitiis.

"Lucas wants to go to Disneyland. But I'm planning to go there for his birthday next year. Let's celebrate with my family on Christmas and New Year to yours."

"Or we can celebrate in the Casa with your family? Daddy was telling me to invite Mama into the house."

Tumango ako.

Palagi kasing gano'n. Minsan sa bahay nina Kuya magpapasko. Sa Casa naman kapag new year. Vice versa.

"So, that's it? Can I have my—"

"No."

Napasimangot siya at tumango.

Napangisi ako nang yakapin ako nito at pinikit na ang mga mata niya.

I shook my head and kissed his neck. I felt him stiffened when I suck it.

"Hmm..." I heard him moan.

"What do you want, Captain?" I seductively asked him.

"On my top, please..." nanghihinang sabi nito.

"As you wish."