TO HAVE & HAVE NOT

4

Johnny

The days that followed my anticipation to step onto the set and commence the movie production were all-consuming. One evening, as I sat outside, enjoying the golden hues of dusk while savoring a delicious dinner, my phone rang. I immediately recognized the familiar face that lit up my screen: it was a video call from Lily.

"Hey," I greeted her with a smile that bridged the distance between us.

"Hey, Dad!" her cheerful voice rang out, infusing warmth into the chilly evening air. "What are you doing?" she asked, curious and bright-eyed.

"I'm just playing my guitar outside. I am missing you," I confessed, the sincerity of my words reflecting our bond.

"I miss you too, Dad!" she replied, a sweet echo of my feelings. In the next moment, encouraged by the casual interplay of our chat, I probed, "So...uh...what all do you know about this Olivia Moore?"

There was a slight pause before she launched into her playful banter, "Oh, other than the fact she's the best actress of all time?"

Her sarcasm made me chuckle, "Yes, other than that," I replied, pushing forward somewhat sheepishly.

"She's dating someone named Carlos Rodriguez. He used to be in a boy band, but now he's solo," Lily informed me enthusiastically, her youthful knowledge casting a spotlight on my ignorance.

As the news sank in, I felt a strange pang of disappointment at the realization that Olivia was not single; for reasons I couldn't quite comprehend, it bothered me more than I expected. "How in the hell do I not know all these people?" I marveled aloud. My frustration mingled with genuine disbelief.

"Seriously? Do you want my answer?" she countered, teasing me.

"No. I don't need you to tell me I'm an old man," I retorted jokingly, my heart racing. Still caught up in my thoughts, I pressed further, "So are they serious?"

The revelation landed heavily when she stated, "Yeah, everyone worships them," the word 'worships' striking me as both absurd and telling.

"Worships them? Jesus," I laughed, shaking my head at the absurdity of the celebrity culture we had fallen into.

Then her suspicion kicked in, as she questioned, "Why are you asking me this?"

I hesitated, aware of the underlying currents in my inquiry, but simply answered, "I was just wondering."

The truth was, amidst the banter and laughter, I was grappling with my insecurities and curiosity about a world that seemed to zoom past me, and deep down, I wasn't entirely sure why this particular line of questioning felt so compelling nor why the news of Olivia's relationship struck such a discordant note within me.

My marriage to Vanessa had been good, or at least we had convinced ourselves of that for a long time. We shared a bond that brought forth two fantastic children who are the very light of our lives, yet underneath the surface, there was a persistent issue: my work.

The demands of my career often pulled me away from home, leaving Vanessa to shoulder her work responsibilities and the weight of managing our household and caring for our kids in my absence. It was a challenging arrangement for both of us; when I was away, she longed for the companionship of a partner, and when I was finally home, she was often preoccupied with her professional commitments. This continual dance of absence and separation left us navigating life together as more like roommates than spouses, sharing space yet feeling profoundly disconnected.

As the years passed, we slowly realized that we were more like friends living under the same roof, adorned with rings that symbolized a commitment we no longer felt. I believe with all my heart that neither of us deserved to live in such a hollow version of marriage. When we decided to divorce, it was surprisingly smooth and amicable, a testament to our respect for each other. We split everything fairly, ensuring our children were shielded from any discord that might arise from such a transition.

To my surprise, Vanessa recently confided in me that she has moved on and is in a relationship with a Director named Samuel. I've had the chance to meet him a few times, and while adapting to this new familial dynamic is undoubtedly an adjustment, I genuinely think he is an excellent addition to our lives.

For me, the prospect of moving on is filled with hope; I'm optimistic that I will eventually find someone special in my life again, but for now, my focus is on embracing this new chapter as a single person for the first time in over a decade. I intend to channel my energy and creativity into pursuits that inspire me, rediscovering who I am outside of the roles of husband and father.

The journey ahead is uncharted and daunting, but it also feels like an opportunity to redefine my identity and forge deeper and more enriching connections than I experienced before.