TO HAVE & HAVE NOT

6

Olivia

I was sweeping the floor in the hallway, lost in the broom's rhythmic motion and the theater's intoxicating atmosphere, when a large man, clad in a bright blazer and with an authoritative air, approached me with a stern expression. He paused, eyeing me critically, and then demanded my identification. "I left it at home," I said sheepishly, an overwhelming surge of embarrassment washing over me as I realized the gravity of my situation.

It was then and there that I was discovered; I didn't work there—I had been sneaking in day after day, driven by an insatiable desire to witness the enchanting world of theater up close, to feel the energy of the actors on stage as they performed and rehearsed, pouring their hearts into every line. There was something magical about being in that space, even if I was merely sweeping the floors for free during auditions, hoping to catch a glimpse of the show and perhaps spark a connection with the art I adored.

My heart raced as I was suddenly tossed into Tommy's office. The theater director looked at me with amusement and disbelief, a smirk dancing on his lips as if he couldn't quite grasp the absurdity of my dedication. "I can't let you work for free," he told me firmly, yet there was a glint of understanding in his eyes as though he recognized the passion that fueled my reckless decision.

And just like that, my life took an unexpected turn; I got my first job, becoming his assistant and committing to whatever task he needed me to tackle. It felt surreal, a mixture of joy and apprehension coursing through me as I accepted the role, knowing it was my ticket into the world I craved so deeply. Little did I know that this seemingly simple act of desperation would lead to countless opportunities and unforgettable experiences, igniting a passion that would shape my life in ways I could scarcely imagine at that moment.

One particular day, I was cleaning out the rows in the Broadway room when Tommy turned to me and said, "What do you think?" My eyes widened, realizing that this was not just a casual inquiry but that Tommy sought validation.

His partner at the time shot him a glance laced with both anger and confusion as if to say, "Why would you ask some kid?"

But Tommy, unfazed by the disapproval in his partner's eyes, leaned in closer to me, his eagerness palpable; I could sense he genuinely wanted my input as if it held some weight in the grand scheme of the production. "Better yet, how would you do it?" he pressed, his curiosity piqued.

Surprised yet intrigued by the unexpected spotlight, I hesitated momentarily before responding, "You want me to show you?...right now?"

A simple nod from him was all it took to propel me onto the stage, and in that instant, I felt a surge of excitement and nerves. I could still feel the shadow of my mother's absence looming over me, a wound that had never fully healed; as I recalled that painful memory, I knew I could channel that raw emotion to deliver something powerful. I took a deep breath, let the tears flow, and recited the lines etched onto the script below. As the words spilled forth, so did the tears cascading down my cheeks in a way that caught the attention of everyone in the room, leaving them speechless.

The visceral authenticity I poured into my performance transcended the expectations of what anyone might have thought a 12-year-old girl could achieve.

Tommy held a meeting with my father, pleading earnestly for permission to cast me in the leading role of his upcoming Broadway show, a moment that would catalyze a whirlwind journey into the world of performing arts.

My father finally acquiesced with much reluctance, mainly due to the combined efforts of Tommy's heartfelt persuasion and my desperate pleading.

After all, this performance marked a significant milestone: I became the youngest Broadway actress to receive an award for my role. This honor catapulted me into opportunities I had only dared to dream about. Almost immediately, offers began to pour in from various producers and directors eager to have me star in their projects. However, when an enticing opportunity to move to Hollywood arose, I felt an undeniable urge to follow that path.

When I approached my father about it, he was adamant—furious, even—that a fifteen-year-old girl had no business venturing to Hollywood, a place rife with uncertainties and temptations. But I was determined; I managed to assuage his fears by assuring him I would continue my studies and would have the support of Tommy's partner, Chris, who promised to look after me. After much back-and-forth and plenty of my heartfelt assurances, my father finally relented, setting in motion a chain of events that would change my life forever.

Soon enough, I found myself in Hollywood, but the reality was starkly different from what I had imagined; the promises made by Chris, who I thought would be my mentor and guide in this vast new world, fell through, leaving me isolated and adrift in a city known for its harshness towards newcomers. With no one to shelter me from the uncertainty, I became gripped by fear—the kind that comes from the thought of being sent back home. The weight of that fear compelled me to take matters into my own hands, leading me down a treacherous path of deception as I fabricated a story about my living situation to keep my father at ease.

Spineless lies coiled around my conscience, yet the glittering allure of Hollywood and the relentless pursuit of my dreams overshadowed any guilt I felt. I knew I was treading dangerous waters, but the thought of letting go of my aspirations sent shivers down my spine, leaving me with no choice but to claw my way through, regardless of the consequences.