ZOMEDY

The Nightmare

Sam, a stout man with a wild boar-like appearance and a penchant for dramatic entrances, shouted "No! No Zombies!" at the top of his lungs as he fired an RPG shell at the Zombies club, which was teeming with undead patrons enjoying a night of braaaaains and bad music. The recoil sent him tumbling backward, and as he struggled to get up, he heard a strange sound beneath him - like a zombie-sized whoopee cushion.

As he stood up with great effort, his stomach bouncing like a trampoline, he saw a flat zombie crying out in pain, its honeycomb-like broken bones leaving the zombie as heartbroken as never before. The zombie he had flattened was just an innocent-looking creature trying to bite the fat bounty hunter, who was already having a bad hair day.

"Oops, sorry brother!" Sam exclaimed, as he offered the zombie a fist bump, before running with his bouncing stomach towards his friend's van, which was conveniently parked next to a "Zombie Crossing" sign. As he entered, the tire got punctured, and the van's horn started blaring "La Cucaracha" on repeat. A mob of angry zombies attacked, and just as they bit Sam, he woke up from a deep dream, bathed in sweat, and face-planted into a bowl of spaghetti.

"Thanks, God, no zombies," he said slowly, as he sat up, sauce-covered and confused. "Just a Tuesday."

But, as he wiped the spaghetti sauce from his eyes, he heard a weird sound - like shuffling feet and groaning voices. He approached the window, pulled back the curtain, and... OH NO!

A horde of zombies waited for him, their eyes fixed on Sam's apartment, their arms outstretched, and their mouths open wide. Sam's eyes widened in terror as he stumbled backward, tripped over his cat, Mr. Whiskers, and face-planted onto the couch.

"NO! NO ZOMBIES!" he shouted, as the zombies started banging on the door, the windows, and the walls. "IT'S TUESDAY, FOR BRAINS' SAKE! CAN'T THEY SEE I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CHILL DAY?!"

And, as the zombies closed in, Sam realized that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't just a dream after all...