I wish I could tell you how I got here, and the extravagent events which followed. But as I am speaking into this better secured tape recorder than my own person I can feel my head swelling, my skin blistering, my body giving way under its own pressure. In a matter of moments I will perish. My body and being, lost to the stars, lost in an infinite time vault, where each living second evolves into history, where change is ten to the dozen. Knowing your about to die isn't the greatest feeling in the world. To put it bluntly. Its an exhilarating pain which runs deep from within. This pain travels all through your blood stream, so every organ every nerve every cell within your body can feel its excruciating intensity. I can hear my heart screaming to my head "RUN RUN RUN" but my head ignores the half witted remarks of my heart. I cant run. If I run my status would be the same, in fact probably more advanced than it Is now. There is nothing in my power I can do to prevent death, he is coming for me. I feel him dancing around me, brushing his achromatic hands against my skin, toying with me. Leaving me wondering is this it?
Though I am close to expiration all I can think of are the lighter things in my 39 years of life. The time Ma bought my brother Jackson a new pair of school shoes, which ended up being girl shoes sprayed black as jackson has such tiny feet. When me and my best friends Martin and Louis locked the girls changing room from the outside, My first date with Cassandra, which couldn't of got much worse than taking her twin sister Janet out and not noticing that I had the wrong girl. A life is full of sweet events, events that remain In the darkest corners of your mind to lift you out when you fall weak to the cosmic suction of a downwards spiral. I can safely say that these thoughts along with many others were the only things inhibiting a flood of salty tears and hopeless calls and cries. My thoughts are now with my two children and my wife. Cassandra, who even after the horrendous first date mix up still managed to tolerate me for another 5 years before she agreed to tolerate me for the other 19 and Emily and Carla my two girls of 8 and 6. they would be so jealous that I got to see earth from this incredible angle. That is probably the only thing tugging on my emotional heart strings, I will never get to tell my wondrous story to my children, who then could tell there children and I would be remembered for generations...
Everyone wants that in life, to be remembered, in fact I think that's the reason people live there lives. If you didn't live your life you on your death bed as I am would have nothing to remember, and after you had gone you would be forgotten in an instant. Hopefully my memory lives on through Carla and Emily and great stories are told about what an amazing, adventurous yet stupid man their father was. The pain had become a second nature now. A Searing tone crashed into my ear, it was constant, and very annoying. I tried to cast my mind back to the days before I became a space fanatic, to make up different alternates for my life I had lived. I was always good at maths, maybe an accountant, a banker someone with normal not so life threatening job. Then again, I love what I do, yes its dangerous and yes I am paying the ultimate price at this moment, but I have no regrets. I have lived my dream, and not everyone can say that. I can feel my blood thickening and boiling like i'm the center of pre-erupted volcano. I could feel the thick black smoke leaving my head, which actually isn't too bad. My body is weakening, death has me in a head lock and is whispering "its time" down my ear. I know you wont be able to hear this but I want whoever this meets the ears of to understand and imagine my final moments as a living specimen, before I become a victim of the dark skies surrounding me. I've heard the claim that it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile. Well believe me, if I had the strength to use 43 working muscles id be frowning a whole lot at this moment. But I think I can manage 17. I know you wont be able to hear it, but before I close my eyes, for good and finally let death have his way with me I will smile. This smile has meaning. This smile means that I am content enduring my own death, this smile means I am ready and prepared for anything that the afterlife throws my way, this smile means that I am thankful and happy for the life I have lived, and this smile means that I would not of wanted it to end in any other way than this brilliant, ironic, tragic one.
n;vR 3q
