Maggot cookie

the fervent feeling of dread

Another day passed by, death coming closer and closer, Lawrence was walking home from work,  Lawrence disliked being alive sometimes, today he had to lift a lot of boxes and carry them to a large pickup truck like usual, but something felt wrong, dreadful almost, he didn't know what it was, he only came across this feeling a few months ago, normally he would take care of his plants to try to ignore the feeling, he would harm them up too if he was frustrated enough, he was a coward as always, always choosing escapism rather than actually finding out what the problem is and trying to solve it, always trying to harm other things to make him feel better, it happened with his colleagues before, he was angry and lashed out on them, always making people dislike him, that's why his parents were ashamed of him, that's why his sisters stopped calling him, because he never bothered to talk to anyone, he always preferred being alone, dissecting animals and thinking about death and sitting there alone in silence, in the dark, he was a freak. It felt like a brick to the face at first but he learned to accept it. He knew no one would ever like him, he would be alone his whole life, he had Vincent but it wasn't the same.
He wandered off into the forest, forgetting he was ever going home, he didn't even know if he could call his place a home. He always wanted to live in a forest, having a small house in a forest would be nice, specially if it was near his "art" he still enjoyed the walks he took to get to the spot where his art was, he always gets paranoid because he's afraid his art won't be there to greet him when he comes around, it's always a mild fear, the fear of someone finding out, there are human remains there as well just a few bones he found from a corpse in a forest, he needed to unwind, he needed to see the corpse again, to see if it was still there, maybe the police haven't discovered it yet, it was one more of the chances he got, he turned left.
After walking deep into the forest and turning a couple of rights and lefts he was finally there, and there it was, the corpse that he dragged out of a river nearby, her clothes were soaked with fluids, maybe because of her body decomposing, it smelled like pure detritus and a hint of something else, the water already bloated her body at first, but now it seemed that it was back to its normal state, although the skin was slightly peeled and her eyes looked almost melted, he wondered what happened to her eyes, before he couldn't quite tell what color they were, or what color was her skin tone, he could see some ants crawling on her and possibly eating her flesh, specially the flesh of her arm and leg stumps, he has cut them off for his art, there were some maggots too, and flies... but it wasn't like he was disgusted, death was a beautiful thing, even if it came with disease and insects, it was all part of the project, and it was beautiful.
He kneeled down to get a closer look, her eyes were half closed and her mouth hung slightly open, just enough to see her front teeth. She looked peaceful, it almost seems like she didn't die by drowning, it seemed like she had died in her sleep, he wondered if she was in pain while she drowned, does drowning hurt? Did she even drown? He doesn't know, she just found her body floating in a river, well it didn't matter now, he was here to unwind, so he quickly unbuttoned his jeans before unzipping them as well, he didn't like how they felt on his body, he guessed it was a mistake to not have worn his usual sweatpants. It was okay though, he wouldn't pester himself over that, he was already pestered enough.
He slid down his boxers and his erection sprung free, he placed the tip of his aching boner onto the cadaver's cold vagina, it was a little loose, just like he liked it, although when he trusted it deep inside it was sort of lukewarm, and when he thrusted it slightly out he could see some maggots and a lot of brown liquid, he didn't put much care into it though, maggots didn't disgust him, hardly anything disgusted him...
He thrusted it in and out for a couple of minutes, he seemed to be closer and closer, when he closed his eyes he could see color, although he could still feel something squirming, he gripped the cadaver's thighs, a little bit of loose skin peeled off with the help of his fingers, he held onto the corpse, he didn't quite moan, it was a series of different strangled sounds, some of them were weeps, some tears started flowing down his cheeks, he was a sick monster, and he deserved to be locked up, he wished he wasn't a coward so he could overdose and die, succumb to the river one last time, he wondered if he would go to the river, or hell, or maybe nothing would happen. It didn't matter now, Lawrence eventually climaxed, he could see the bright colors again, they were neon at first but then they darkened and eventually they faded to black or really dull colors, he the corpse full of infertile sperm.
He stood still for a while, feeling something squirming and pulsating inside of the dead girl's cold vagina, so he pulled out, it was easy because of how much brown fluid there was, he wondered what was that fluid, he expected only a few maggots to come out but when he pulled out he could see hundreds of maggots being dragged along with his cock he lowered his face so he could see what was inside the cadaver's entrance, he used his fingers to pry it open so he could see deep inside, shockingly there was a large clump of maggots right where the cervix should've been, there were also maggots on the lips of her vagina.
He looked at the maggots, both crushed and alive for a while, forgetting about the maggots on his own penis, it was... peachy, not beautiful, just peachy, he felt something crawling inside his urethra his eyes shot to his penis, he quickly got on his knees and looked at it, there were maggots inside his dick.
His eyes widened. "No no no-"
He tried to use his fingers to drag them out but they were already too far inside.
"Shit..."
His nose scrunched up in distaste, he would deal with it at home.
He was sure he could deal with it right?... it couldn't be that hard...
Right?...

(This is my first time writing on wattpad ^^; I hope some of you guys like this, feel free to give me suggestions on what else I should write <3 I'll finish this if you guys like it ^3^)