Float, But Never Die

Trigger warnings before you continue:

-Suicide attempt

-Suicidal thoughts

-self hatred

-basically generic angst

Stay safe and have fun reading!! <<3

Comments are highly appreciated!!

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Mephone stared out into the pond, swaying on his feet at the edge of the dock. Looking down, he could see the gentle waters lapping over each other in no particular pattern due to the wildlife that was swimming around. Dark figures, presumably rocks, clustered at the bottom of the pond

Today, Mephone's planning to be one of those dark figures.

He didn't know how to continue. His show has already ended, as he had wrapped it up as quickly as possible with the fear that Cobs would swoop down and end him before the prize money was even sent to the winner. But it was done now, finally wrapped up. His lifelong project was finally complete.

It was done. And all he could do now was wallow in the mess he made for himself.

Mephone recalled the party at Hotel OJ that was to celebrate Suitcase's victory over the show. Every contestant from Season 1, Season 2, and Season 3 were there. Mephone couldn't help but feel a bit left out, hence why he slipped away outside to look over the dock. Not without taking a few sugary snacks for himself though. But those were long gone, having been eaten already.

The sky was a dark purple hue, stars starting to make themselves seen. A particularly large, mint-green star stuck out from the rest of them, but he paid it no attention.

It was really pretty.

Mephone was brought back to his fear of the thought of seeing Cobs again. He escaped him once, and there's no chance that when he's found again that he would even get the chance to run away for the second time. He didn't want to end up like 3GS, stowed away in a dark closet, paralyzed and collecting dust. He didn't want to live like that. It was inevitable. No matter how hard he's going to try, Cobs will find him and turn him into scraps.

He didn't want Cobs getting that satisfaction, so he was going to do it himself.

Mephone could consider this both an escape from himself and from Cobs. He can finally be released from all of the built-up memories, the memories that always came back no matter how many times he had buried them (literally). Mephone can finally stop ruining relationships, he can stop ruining himself, he can stop worrying about Cobs, he can finally be put to rest in a way which he feels completed.

Either way, he would be doing everyone a favor. All the contestants would probably just assume he ran off to start another season. Typical behavior for him, to just vanish off of the face of the island to start anew.

What he was deciding wasn't a simple memory wipe, no, it was something much greater. He knew the aftereffects of his choice, and how much grief it would cause others. For example, someone's death would cause their family members and friends incredible, crushing grief.

Mephone had neither of those, he had nobody close to him. MePad left, he had fired Toilet after just beginning to tolerate him beyond MePads sake, Cobs wants him dead, the contestants already got their happy ending and probably wanted him gone, so what was there for him? Now, it seemed like the only reason to stay alive was to be used as a tool.