39. Battling My Emotions

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"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions

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"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." — Elizabeth Gilbert

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Deep down, I knew this wasn't what I wanted, but I couldn't keep digging myself deeper into this hole. The shame of it all, the guilt, the fear of being named a homewrecker—none of that was easy to shake off. I didn't want to be the reason a marriage tore apart, but every instinct in me screamed that he was what I wanted.

I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the last spritz of cologne on my neck, my fingers brushing lightly against the cool glass bottle. My red dress clung to me, tracing every curve, a perfect fit—but somehow it felt wrong tonight. There was this weight in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away. Blair was supposed to be here by now, but the hours kept slipping by. His absence felt heavier than it should.

I checked my phone again. Nothing. No missed calls. No messages. The silence gnawed at me. I had been sitting on the edge of my bed for what felt like forever, waiting for the call that never came. Half an hour passed. Then an hour. Still, nothing.

I was about to give up, about to go to bed and forget the whole thing, when I noticed something on my screen—a message. It was from me to Blair.

"I have to cancel that date. I have a lot going on right now."

My heart skipped a beat. I hadn't sent that. I couldn't have. And that's when it hit me. I remembered Amir coming into the kitchen earlier, his steps heavy with the weight of too many drinks. He'd come to get the tea I'd made him. It was around the same time the message had been sent. He must've taken my phone, read my messages, and sent that to Blair. My stomach churned. That bastard.

I grabbed my phone in a flash and called Blair. The line went straight to voicemail. I tried again. Voicemail. Again. Panic was starting to claw at me. I had to get to him—had to fix this, somehow. Amir... he couldn't just let me go, could he?

Without thinking, I dialed Amir's number. It rang once, twice, before he picked up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded, my voice sharp with anger.

There was a long pause on the other end. Then his voice, low and uncertain, "I don't know. I... I don't know."

I could feel the heat rising in my chest. "I was supposed to be on a date with Blair. You show up at my place drunk, and now someone knows about us. What is wrong with you? You need to stay the hell out of my life before it all falls apart."

His voice grew steadier, colder. "That's the thing. I can't back the fuck off. I just can't."

I let out a bitter laugh, but it sounded hollow. "You really are something else, you know that? You're about to get married. You should just leave me alone. This... this thing we've been doing? It's not right. It has to stop."

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