Literally me just asking for advice.

help me out here.

what could this be?

buckle up folks, this is kind of a weird one.

i'll start off by saying i am an emetophile, i've known that since i was very young.
however it seems the older i get, the more persistent it is.
for example, i have an overwhelming urge to take care of sick people, i completely and utterly obsess over it until it is the only thing i can think about.
even so much of a "my stomach hurts" or an "i don't feel good" can trigger some kind of monster in me where i feel like i cannot breathe or function until i am with them, taking care of them, taking them to the dr, etc.
i've even so much as literally begged (in my head) somebody to please throw up so i can take care of them.
i've so much as pressed really hard into somebodies stomach to try to trigger vomiting.
it's driving me insane and it makes me feel really bad about myself afterwards. i feel like a monster. not normal. it feels like borderline insanity.
i feel horrible when someone around me is sick, i feel horrible to feeling and thinking the way i do about it, but i just can't help but obsess over the fact that "oh my god please throw up please let me watch please be so sick you can't move please" runs rampant through my head in a constant loop until said person is better. then it goes back to me feeling absolutely terrible and horrified with myself that i could even think that about anybody because who would want somebody to be so incredibly ill, much less to WATCH it unfold.
on the flip side, i'm terrified of being sick myself. so it's annoying being all obsessing over it but not want to get sick from it myself.

i think there is something seriously wrong with me. this is just not normal behavior.
i've looked up mental illnesses of the such as well, including munchsuasem by proxy or however it's spelled, but that doesn't sound right as i don't lie about people being sick, i just secretly wish they would so i can take care of them.

please help, this is driving me nuts and i feel like a terrible human being.