Toy Boy | Chanlix

Toy

The days blurred into one another as Chan went through the motions of his life, feeling like he was slowly unraveling. He hadn't spoken to Felix or Seungmin since the incident with Seungmin's kiss, and the silence weighed heavily on him. Every time his phone buzzed, his heart would race, expecting another message from the unknown number that haunted his thoughts.

One evening, after another long day of rehearsing for the school project, Chan found himself sitting alone in the music studio. The dim light above flickered, casting shadows across the room as he stared at his phone, waiting for a message that never came. His thoughts were tangled, the weight of everything pressing down on him. He felt like he was drowning in the chaos that had become his life.

The door creaked open, and Chan looked up to see Han walking in, a concerned look on his face. "Hey, man," Han said softly, his voice breaking through the suffocating silence. "You've been here all day. I was worried."

Chan managed a weak smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Just needed some time to think."

Han took a seat beside him, his eyes scanning Chan's face. "You've been acting different lately. More withdrawn. What's going on, Chan?"

Chan hesitated, not knowing where to begin. There was so much he wanted to say, but the words felt trapped in his throat. He knew he was standing at the edge, close to breaking down, but he wasn't ready to let everything spill out just yet.

"It's just... everything feels like it's falling apart," Chan finally admitted, his voice trembling. "I don't know how to fix it."

Han's expression softened, and he reached out, placing a reassuring hand on Chan's shoulder. "You don't have to fix it alone, you know. We're here for you, me, Changbin, everyone. But you have to let us in."

"I don't even know how to start," Chan said, his voice cracking as he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated and exhausted.

"Start with what's been bothering you the most," Han suggested gently. "Whatever it is, I'm here to listen."

Chan looked down at his hands, which were trembling slightly. He knew he had to talk to someone before everything he was holding inside became too much to bear. With a deep breath, he began to speak.

"It's Felix," Chan said, his voice strained. "And Seungmin. And everything in between. I feel like I'm losing control, like nothing I do is ever enough to help them or make things right. Every time I try, I just... I mess up."

Han frowned, concern etched across his features. "What happened with Felix?"

Chan sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. "He's caught up in this mess, this life I can't understand, and I've tried so hard to pull him out of it. But he keeps going back, and I don't know if it's because he feels trapped or if he actually wants that life. And then Seungmin... I don't even know where to begin with him. He's been so good to me, and I—" Chan paused, his voice breaking.

Han waited patiently, not pushing, just being there as Chan struggled with his emotions.

"I kissed him," Chan admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "And it was wrong. I shouldn't have, and now everything is messed up. Felix saw it, and I don't even know what he thinks anymore. Seungmin, too... I don't know what he thinks. I'm just... so lost."

Han's eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly composed himself, knowing now wasn't the time to judge or react. "Chan, you're dealing with so much right now. It's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it," Chan said bitterly. "It's like everything I do just makes things worse."

"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself," Han suggested. "You're only human, Chan. You can't fix everything or save everyone. Sometimes... sometimes you have to let go, even if it hurts."