The finishing blow [English version of « Le Coup Final »]

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November 16, 2023

Damn it! How did I get here? My whole body is paralyzed, my legs are trembling so much that I can barely stand. My emotions are blurred and intertwined: I am torn between deep relief and so much indignation towards myself. Towards us. I need to pull myself together and finish what I started. I must stay clear-headed. It's already too late to turn back anyway.

I gather my courage and turn around. I take a few steps forward, then sit on the ground, near her chest, which I look at attentively. The atmosphere is as icy as the wind that hits me head-on. I place a timid hand on her blood-stained T-shirt. It's as if I can still feel her heart beating under the skin of each of my fingers, but I realize that it has already stopped. It's all over. I sigh.

I approach her face, which is now unrecognizable. It has lost all the light that once animated it. I observe her. Her complexion is duller than it has ever been. Each cut covering her body reminds me of every knife blow, every second of relentless effort. I gently touch them with my fingertips, one by one. By caressing them, you can still feel the texture of her freshly coagulated blood in each of them.

Suddenly, shivers invade me and slowly travel up my body. At this moment, I feel a powerful mix of regret and compassion. I close my eyes. Hundreds of fragments of memories surface and try to make me feel guilty. Against all odds, I refuse to fight them and let them invade and carry me far into the past.

I lie down next to her, taking the time to nostalgically remember these last two years. Our years. Her sweet scent envelops me and gently brushes my nostrils while, with a mind full of passion, I watch one last time, like a movie, this adventure of romance, patience, and heartbreak. Moved, I can no longer hold back the tear that escapes from the corner of my eye. It caresses my cheek and finds refuge at the corners of my lips, leaving a bitter and salty taste. This single tear opens the way for thousands more that take over and do not stop flowing.

Suddenly I realize: I am now officially the murderer of the love of my life.