Carter the Farter: The Beagle Menace

I am Carter. I am a dog. I have no use for humans except for them to feed me, pet me, let me do my business, and give me baths. I do not let reeking farts. They are more like... quiet lady like toots. No I am NOT calling myself a girl.

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*Flash: Quiet? Yeah, sure. Lady like? No way. I think this dog's goin' crazy peeps!

Carter: Am not.

Me: Are too. Oh, and by the way, your "no use for humans" that's everything. We do everything for you. Well, almost. Okay, gonna have nightmares about that one....

Carter: Ooooookay... Anyway. Am not.

...Okay, this is gonna take a while brb*

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Now that that's over we can get back to my favorite subject. ME! I am a red-tick beagle. Yep! And I'm a tri-color beagle. The cutest beagle EVER!!!!!!! Sorry about that. Chloe got ahold of my keyboard. IT WASN'T ME! Sorry, I just farted. Ahem. Tooted. Oh! Oh! I got something for you to do. Pat your head rub your tummy spin around and say toot toot fart all at the same time 10 times fast. I suddenly have the urge to chase my tail. OH SQUIRREL! Srry, brb!

:( Chloe got it. NOT FAIR. She always get them. Oh well. I do not stink. Yeah ya do. STOP IT FLASH! AND CHLOE! Okay, sorry 'bout that. I want food. Oh Chloe's poopin'. LUNCH! I'm gonna go eat some. Okay maybe not. Flash yelled at me to get away.

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Please wait, as we need to test a new feature.

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DING! DING! FIGHT!

~squeak~ WAIT! SORRY! I'M GONNA STOP SCREAMING NOW. Okay, now. Chloe. You can't use squeaky toys.

"Why not?"

Because its against the rules.

"YOU'RE FACE IS AGAINST THE RULES!"

*Okay I'm not even going to TRY to describe that. Let's just say Chloe won and Mr. Ref had to go to the hospital. And Carter screamed like a little girl.

Did not.

Did too.

I don't remember it.

How do you not remember THAT? Bro you were screaming for four hours straight.

Whaaaat? Psh. Nuh uh.

Whatever.*

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We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

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I think I'm going to take a nap. I like naps. And food. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm tired. No I'm......

*Okay I think he's asleep... that means the st-

What just happened?!? I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WASN'T ME! IM HUNGRY! Oh wait, that was random. TOPIC CHANGE! Oh food! But... its.. so.. far... I'LL GIVE 5 BUCKS TO THE FIRST PERSON TO GIVE ME FOOD.

*Here now hand over the money. Or.. paw it over? Whatever. Same difference as long as I get my money.*

Here. 😠 Oh, well. Well guys, that's all about my life. Heeeey... I just noticed something. I'm like a baby. Eat. Sleep. Poop. And cry. Can't forget cry. So anyways vote, comment, and f.....zzzzzzzzz

*Okay he's asleep. Again. But I think what he was about to say was fart. Or maybe it was follow? I don't know. Just do both I guess. Um... this is akward. BYE!!! Sorry guys that bye was Ch.............CHLOE!!!!!!