The BoyZ

Diego

"Y'know when you are constipated and after you're done shitting your ass hurts, like hurts like shit. Imagine losing your virginity, like having a dick inside of you for the first time. Imagine how bad the pain would be"

"Do you want me inside of you?" Ayumu tilts his head and leans back on the couch beside the armchair where I'm sitting.

"Did you not hear anything I said? If pooping hurts my ass, what makes you think I would want you inside me and take my virginity just for me to end up hurting" I fold my arms and roll my eyes.

"What I'm hearing is, you would let me take your virginity if it didn't hurt in the process and aftermath" he leans forward resting his clasped arms on his legs.

My mouth dropped to the floor when I realized what impression I was giving "No of course not, I'm straight" he gave me a cheeky smile and I used my hands to cover my blush "I'm just saying it might hurt like shit"

"Why are you here Diego" he gives me the same look he first gave me when I first approached him. 

After Jewels and Menelik left, Hakim wouldn't stop asking me questions.

"Are you going to be safe?"

"You good?"

"What were y'all fighting about?"

I had an odd feeling about everything. My family only visits during special occasions so considering they were visiting on a random Wednesday was weird I didn't want to be home nor did I want to worry Hakim even more than he already was by telling him how I wanted to leave and him questioning me why so my best option was Ayumu. Well no, not an option. I could've gone over to Meneliks or Jewels but settled on Ayumu, plus I've been getting this overwhelming feeling to be around him every time.

"I'm not sure" I pull my legs on top of the armchair and draw circles on my knees. "My family is visiting and I guess I just didn't want to be around them"

He gives me this look I can't decipher. Is he judging?

He's definitely judging.

"So did you poop?"

"Yes, and it hurts" I'm glad he changed the subject.

He laughs and it gets quiet. Very very awkward silence. In our silence, he randomly gets up and leaves the living room.

I get this overwhelming feeling. My heart beats faster than usual, my stomach twists in disgust, my skin feels like it's on fire, my chest is tight and all of a sudden I don't want to be around Ayumu.

Fake.

He's fake.

He'll leave you once he gets what he wants.

He's fa-

"Here's some cream," he tosses me lidocaine "It's for anal fissures but who knows it might help you"

"Thanks" My chest lightens a bit.

"Wanna listen to music?"

"Can I choose?" The anger I once felt subsided into joy.

"Of course," he smiles. He's handing me the remote but instead, I walk over to sit beside him, our shoulders slightly touching.

"Cry baby by the neighborhood"

"Music video, lyrics, or audio?" He's written the song and artist on the search tab.

"Lyrics" I lean onto his shoulder. Closing the gap between us.

He added 'lyrics' to the search tab, and the first thing that popped up was the lyrics video made by 7clouds Rock. 

The song starts playing, and I hum to it.

"What's your favorite band?" Ayumu turns his head towards me.

"The neighborhood duh"

"They're alright" he faces his head towards the T.V. but has his hand wrapped around my shoulders drawing me closer to him. 

"What about you?"

"Surf curse" I didn't expect that from him. He seems like he would listen to the score or maybe even suicide boys.

"They are pretty good, we can put them after this," I say.

"Sure"

As we fall into silence my attention shifts towards the song. The lyrics resemble how I feel every single day.

'I think I talk too much'

I am too much.

"Is this song about fearing to be in a relationship?" Ayumu's voice breaks my attention for the lyrics.

My heart beats rapidly, in a good way. My stomach turns not in disgust but instead some sort of butterflies, like excitement. I'm excited about this conversation "I see it as the complexities of vulnerability, the fear of getting hurt, wanting to love someone but being held back by the fear of past heartbreaks"

"I see, reminds me of someone"

"Who?"

"You don't know them" I get this feeling he's lying to me, "They don't live here" he sounds reassuring, but my heart gets heavy. I can feel tears forming, I'm being irrational. I know I am, but I can't stop it. I want to yell, to scream.

"'I can taste it, my hearts breaking'" Ayumu sings along with the lyrics. His voice soothes me and I feel calm. Very. very. Calm. "How do you view those lyrics?" He says in a gentle voice, it feels like he's doing it on purpose like he knows my anger, my anxiety, how badly I just want to scream.

"Hope and fear, It's like falling in love but bracing yourself for potential heartbreak" I've never truly fallen in love, I've had crushes here and there but I'm sure I've only liked them for their looks. On the other hand, I fear every friendship I make and every friendship I have. Yet I try, I try so hard to let them know how much I love them, to make them like me more.

"And 'I know I'll fall in love with you, baby' is to take the risk?" he looks at me, I give him a confused look, but he smiles and elaborates "It's like falling in love, despite knowing the risk, the heartbreaks that'll come within it, If your going to fall in love you'll expose your vulnerability, becoming a cry baby"

I'm speechless, I agree with what he's saying but the way he said it feels different. He's talking about himself.

He doesn't trust you.

I push that thought away, although I want to make it about me, it's not. He wasn't comfortable sharing, the song reminds him of himself and If I were him I'd feel the same way. I smile, "I agree"

The panicked look he had subsided and he's smiling so wide I can make out his dimples.

'The sun's coming out but I'm feeling colder'

A/N - making this chapter, I didn't expect it to be like this, but what do you think of their dynamic? Does the song suit them? Anyway next P.O.V. is Ayumu's, it'll be the same day, and everything I just feel like his side will be better.